Close your eyes and dream a little more

Sudden urge for art…

2011-12-15T19:40:00.001+10:00

Don't know what happened. All the pretty arts people created are giving me a warm feeling in my heart. And I yearned for more. And even wanting to create myself.

Weird. At least at the beam of 26th years living, I am getting more down to earth.

Let tears run dry, let laughters bring the roof down. I will live each day as it is. Happy birthday pretty me. Things will change for the better.

Osaka, my love for you will never die. <3

2011-12-13T21:51:00.001+10:00

Uploading some mobile photos for preview. I love you Osaka. But I decided not to miss you anymore.

Air Asia - true Asian spirit

2011-12-13T08:29:00.001+10:00

Flights are always memorable when you get great smiles and greetings. Of course, all airlines do their best to serve their customers well enough to use their service again.

Air asia is truly one of a kind. Some people had great experiences - like me; however, some people doesn't. Maybe I prepare myself well, so that things go a little bit smoother. I've seen women yelling at the baggage drop counters one time leaving the country, one time returning. Typical single sided conversation like 'you are so rude! I am your customer! I wanna see your manager!' while the other party remained silent to savor their dignity.

What went wrong? I mean it's hard enough already on the service line. You are sure that when you complain about someone who is struggling to serve you right, he/she is cursing you hard in all sorts of languages sometimes with a smile on their faces.

For a budget price, Air Asia deserve an applause.

Time to chase. Time to change. Second round.

2011-12-13T03:36:00.001+10:00

6 months from today.
June 13, 2012 will be the dead line.
Give myself another chance to chase.
Be the person I wanna be.
Do the things I wanna do.
It's time to throw away old things, old habits, old favorites.
Adopting a brand new possibility.
Ready steady let's go!
Bye bye beer, alcohol, sweets and meat.
Bye bye addiction to everything nice on the planet.
Just for 6 months.
I will have you all back in no time.
For our future.
For our people.
Rock n roll will go on.
Changing its shell to a new form.

2011-12-12T02:04:00.002+10:00

Love is about giving, not receiving.

When we were younger,
maybe love is about sharing,
maybe love is about giving and getting something back in return.
It's just like you give someone a gift in exchange of a gift from them.

When you start to grow up and experience more love,
at some point of life you will realize
most of the time love is about sharing, and giving,
and not expecting to take anything back in return.
You just wanna give and give, and
that is when you feel contented by giving and not by receiving.

It doesn't matter what kind of love that is.
Temporary.
Permanent.
Friends.
Family.
Lovers.
Love makes the world goes round and round.
Let's be true to ourselves.
Stay Real.
Stay Happy.

2011-12-08T14:22:00.002+10:00

Jewels - Satisfied

If you love somebody
You better let it out
Don't hold it back
While you're trying to figure it out
Don't be timid
Don't be afraid to hurt
Run toward the flame
Run toward the fire
Hold on for all your worth
Cause the only real pain a heart can ever know
Is the sorrow of regret
When you don't let your feelings show

So did you say it
Did you mean it
Did you lay it on the line
Did you make it count
Did you look 'em in the eye
Did they feel it
Did you say it in time
Did you say it out loud
'cause if you did hun
Then you lived some
That feeling inside
That's called satisfied

Busy people walking by
Can't help but worry some
With so many things to do
So little love gets done
Empty hearts everywhere
Drowning but dying of thirst
If you want love
It's not that tough
Start by giving it first
It's so easy to give
Baby can't you see
Just close your eyes open your heart
And do what comes naturally

Well did you say it
Did you mean it
Did you lay it on the line
Did you make it count
Did you look 'em in the eye
Did they feel it
Did you say it in time
Did you say it out loud
'cause if you did hun
Then you lived some
That feeling inside
That's called satisfied

Horses are built to run
The sun is meant to shine above
Flowers are made to bloom
And then there's us
We were born to love

Now I understood the meaning of this song. People who are not truthful with their feelings, I hope they don't suffer too much. Many times things are not straightforward and could be confusing. Feelings are sensitive, sometimes make a childish game.

But maybe you are like me. We hate sticky human relationships.
And maybe you are like me. We wanna draw an end to it.
Also maybe you are like me. We feel stupid after that.
So maybe you are like me. We feel good when everything is over and done with.
We can start afresh and look forward.

Don't get entangled. With anything. We will be free then.

Sayounara Osaka. This time I shall return, full-heartedly, to my hometown.

You will remain a beautiful city who has a special place in my heart.
Thanks for letting me meeting all the marvelous people who live in this city.
This experience is one of a kind.

Chapter close.
Bliss.

2011-07-25T01:52:00.004+10:00

Don't wait until its too late...

Family issues... bah... who doesn't have? I bet anyone who uses "google.com/yahoo.com/facebook.com/youtube.com" has their own version of their family issues... Can't talk to your parents? Always fighting with your siblings? Nobody really cares about you and what you are doing? Parents refuse to listen to you and force you doing things you don't like? Parents fighting a lot? Or in the adult world, the version goes, fighting with your siblings to get your parents' money? Your parents are giving you a lot of problems growing old? You and your spouse are always fighting and nobody is ever willing to say "I'm sorry darling.."? Your kids never communicate with you because you are always yelling at them and never give the a chance to say what its in their mind?

Oh well. Maybe all of the above. What I'm trying to say is. All these issues are basically nothing new. Yet beings always fail to solve or attempt to solve, these issues. Understanding what you are facing is one thing, accepting it and trying to fix it is another thing. Most of them surprisingly, actually know how to approach it yet they never really attempted it.

Come on, let's face it. We all know how to talk about the others but we never dare to look at ourselves in that perspective and actually admit that we have the same problem and need to fix them a.s.a.p.

Adults are basically losers who thinks they know what are best for you and they know it all. Well, they do know things kids don't know. But hey, watch your pride and stubbornness before you approach alright. Many times, they have no clue what they are saying.

Panicking as my age is slowly catching up. And what's more? Noticing adults around me are behaving like crazy people. Always thinking what they do is the right thing to do. What the hell, what ever it is, there's no way anyone is going to force me into the dirty adult world. The selfish, stubborn, stupid, senseless, nonsense world of the adults. There's nothing to be proud of if you behave well in front of people, here I mean strangers, unless potential robbers/rapist etc. better still you behave madly so that people won't come and approach you right? I'm not saying that everyone shouldn't behave well, behaving well is courtesy and manners of course. It's just that don't pretend to act serious stern and boring aka behave well even in situations when you don't need to behave, e.g. a rock concert, a dinner gathering, a private party function? Something like that.. I think I'm sorta outta the topic... not even on the topic... anyways... I'm just saying. I sincerely believe that one should just behave normally at all times, and be a little bit serious about your environment when you are at places like the court, when you are fighting some serious case, the hospital, when someone is ill or dying, the bank, so that people wouldn't rob you, on the road when driving, so that your safety is taken care of, the parliament, if you ever need to be there, don't ask me why, any government offices, or the the police station, so that you won't have to go to jail. Other than that, just be yourself.

One big principal for all of you as a guide: Never take anything for granted. Or you will be sorry one day without even noticing what you did wrong.

2011-01-17T00:25:00.004+10:00

We all have new zodiac signs!!! Bye bye Sagittarius. Hello Ophiuchus (wth? new sign?) Let's see.....

ACTUAL TRUE ZODIAC

ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13

TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19

GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20

CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9

LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15

VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30

LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22

SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29

OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17

SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18

CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15

AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11

PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18

LIST OF KEY WORDS DESCRIBING THE SIGN OF OPHIUCHUS

interpreter of dreams, vivid premonitions,
attracts good luck and fruitful blessings,
serpent holder, lofty ideals,
a seeker of peace and harmony,
doctor of medicine or science, natural-pathic,
adds, increases, joins, or gathers together
poetical, inventive nature, expanding qualities,
seeks higher education and wisdom,
overseer, supervisor of work,
fame - either grand, or completely misunderstood,
longevity, aspirations of healing the ills of man,
architect, builder, reaches for the stars, figuratively and literally,
tax assessor, or levys taxes,
astrological talents, intuitive,
large family indicated, but apt to be separated from them when young,
the number twelve holds great significance,
foresight and good fortune to benefit from hard times,
has secret enemies in family or close associations,
many jealous of this subject,
notable father, apple of father's eye when young,
high position in life expected [depending on aspects] highest fame and legend comes after death
feelings of granular, wise, genius mentality,
likes to wear clothing of vibrant colors, and plaids in particular,
receives the favor of those in authority.

OMG. New sign? but it still sounds like me. Guy holding a snake.. pretty awesome. I'm taking whatever the universe is providing me. haha.

2011-01-12T21:23:00.022+10:00

Hello 2011!!! I'm ready for the great adventure ahead! *fireworks*

Yes. And time flies. 2010 was a year packed with fulfillment of spontaneous goals and objectives. I managed to achieve targets and accomplish things my inner self always wanted to accomplish. Overall, 2010 was full of challenges and self-recognition. Moreover, to me 2010 was a decision making year and I am pretty sure I did well.

You don't have to judge me because I am living with me, for now and ever.

2011 is about maintaining current happiness and further boosting happiness within. Happiness is one thing that could bring you more happiness and spread them around like deadly viruses. However, I have some serious rules for such maintenance. *I think I need to learn the smile meditation, so that even my liver will smile!*

Rule No. 1: Keep a FAR distance from gloomy, miserable souls. NO SELF PITY FOLKS!
Rule No. 2: Keep a FAR distance from negative forces. STOP FEEDING ON MY POSITIVE FORCES!
Rule No. 3: People who try to judge you? Or get jealous of you? Go ahead and fuck them upside down (yeah with a cucumber or a pole) and stay away from them.

Basically the spirit of these rules is to keep away from nasty souls. I could get nasty too, of course. Just hate getting my hands dirty. Normally people tend to observe my cheerful character, assuming that as easy-going and easy-to-push-around. But once they cross the line, they will realize if they move further, they will get fucked upside down. muwahahaha. (just jk. haven't really fucked anyone upside down. yet. but, you get what I mean ya.)

Have a good feeling that this positive and happy me is going to bring me more positive and happy people! =) I'm excited now!

Now about some memos regarding my end of year tour. Maybe some photos.

Left Osaka from Shinosaka station on December 26, 2010 and caught a night bus around 10pm. It was COLD and the bus was CRAMP and the girl who sat next to me has a SMALL BLADDER. She was having a window seat and she will wake me up every time the bus stopped for a short rest. I finally arrived Shinjuku 6:30am. I had blisters on both my feet, new shoes... bah. I dragged my luggage to a McDonalds', had 200yen breakfast and slept for awhile. I think I was crazy sleepy, the McD cleaning lady asked if I was ok. Maybe I looked drunk or something. Hee. Around 10 plus, I went to Green Plaza and spent 1500yen to shower and refresh for 90 minutes. After showering and soaking myself, I blow-dried my hair and that was when I heard interesting conversations. Two prostitutes was talking about their customers (Shinjuku is where the KabukiCho is situated. It's one of Tokyo's populated red light district. I bet many prostitutes get fucked at night and shower here in the morning.) One of the girls was talking how smooth was her Korean customer's skin and dick. After putting on makeup, I moved on to NihonBudoukan. It's a highly reputable event hall that most of the J-rockers or J-artist normally perform (it's actual purpose is for sports like Judo/Kendo etc.). I was there for JACK IN THE BOX Winter 2010. I missed the one in SUMMER!! which is maybe 5 times more exciting than this winter one but anyways, I made it anyways. NihonBudoukan is a concert hall that I've always wanted to visit. Since I've always heard its name before I came to Japan. I had a seat, very far from the stage, but I had loads of fun. The show lasted for SIX freaking hours. The longest I've ever attended. There were many waiting moments when they change their sets. Members of Maverick DC group took turns to give surprising performances, so all the waiting moments were worth the waiting. Only Ken chan and Hyde sama were present that day. But Hyde was a total surprise!! Ken was there at the beginning and everyone thought (maybe just me) it will just be him from L'arc. Ken chan sang Lady Gaga's Bad Romance and Telephone!!! So much FUN!!! He also tried singing L'arc's songs like Flower? I think, couldn't really remember. Or Winter Fall... maybe... with another vocalist. But none of them could reach the note!!! hahaha. I bet Hyde was laughing at the back stage. Hyde on the other hand sang some metal rock songs with his super hot rocker police outfit. HE WAS SUPER SEXY that day! Oh well, he is always SEXY! That was the day I was officially introduced to MUCC, SID... Oh Acid Black Cherry wasn't there either.... I really enjoyed Yasu, Daigo and Hyde's interactions from Halloween Party 2010 at Kobe in October 27, 2010.

MUCC and SID were impressive! Along with all other various Visual Rock Bands... oh and ZORO was impressive too.

OH I just found this line up on that day. Here goes!
JACK IN THE BOX WINTER 2010 (December 27, 2010)

Opening:　Administrator　(Saw them upclose and personal on December 28, 2010 Karaoke session when they did L'arc's many song covers, the vocal has braces!!! =p)

Vocal：芥 Guitar：公佑 Bass：卓也 Drum：龍 M-1. Promise M-2. 手招く太陽
Vocal：芥「楽しすぎたぜコンチワシ!!」 Guitar：公佑「初めて立った武道館は居心地最高だぜ。またな！ありがとう。」 Bass：卓也「初の武道館、最高ー!!でした。ありがとう！」 Drum：龍「はちゃめちゃ楽しくてイキそうだったぜ!!ホントにありがとう。」

Vocal：Paul（44MAGNUM）+左迅（ギルガメッシュ） Guitar：マーティ・フリードマン Guitar：タイゾ（ゾロ） Bass：愁（ギルガメッシュ） Drum：Sakura（Creature Creature / Rayflower） M-1. Shout At The Devil '97 M-2. We R Rock'n'Roll Stars M-3. In the End
PAUL 「今回のメンバーは全員お初だったけどチョー楽しかったよ!!　みんなありがとう!! 」

Vocal：ken（L'Arc～en～Ciel）+SATOち（ムック） Guitar：Shinji（シド） Bass：YUKKE（ムック） Drum：Яyo（ギルガメッシュ） M-1. Lies and Truth M-2. winter fall
Яyo 「憧れの大先輩たちと共演できてサイコー！」

Vocal：逹瑯（ムック） Guitar：JUN（spiv states ) Guitar：杉本善徳 Bass：愁 (ギルガメッシュ） Drum：裕哉（ゾロ） M-1. LOVE YOU ONLY M-2. I Wish
逹瑯「楽しかった！　セッションの時間がない中、一度こういう贅沢な時間の使い方をしたかったので、楽しかったです。楽しかったです」

Vocal：ken（L'Arc～en～Ciel） Guitar：ミヤ（ムック） Bass：明希（シド） Drum：三浦　智也（PULLING TEETH） Key：秦野猛行 M-1. Bad Romance M-2. Telephone - DJs From Mars Metallica Remix 1
ミヤ「楽しかったです。破滅的に楽しかったです」

Vocal：龍寺 Guitar：タイゾ Bass：たつひ Drum：裕哉 M-1. 猿愛 M-2. DYNAMITE FLAVOR M-3. KITSUNE
龍寺「必ずワンマンできるようになりたいです。ありがとう。」タイゾ「武道館楽しかったです！　セッション含め、はっちゃけられました。ありがとう！」たつひ「僕の一番大好きな場所です。最高の笑顔をありがとう!!」裕哉「ありがとう!!」

Vocal：Morrie Guitar：Hiro Guitar：Shinobu Bass：Hitoki Drum：Sakura M-1. Dream Caller M-2. Red
Morrie 「ライヴもまたこの人生の一部。この人生は何に対して過ぎてゆくのか。」 Shinobu 「すみません！」 Hitoki 「皆々様の良いお年を願っております。」 Sakura 「腹四分目」

Vocal：左迅 Guitar：弐 Bass：愁 Drum：Яyo M-1. destiny M-2. Break Down M-3. CRAZY-FLAG M-4. driving time M-5. evolution
左迅「ドーン!!」弐「久しぶりのライヴだったから楽しかった!」愁「3回も出しゃばってスミマセンでした。」 Яyo 「超楽しかった!!次はワンマンで。」

Vocal：マオ（シド） M-1. また君に恋してる
マオ「一人で寂しかったですけど日本の心を伝えられた気がします。ありがとうございました。」

Vocal：逹瑯
Guitar：ミヤ
Bass：YUKKE
Drum：SATOち

M-1. フォーリングダウン
M-2. ファズ
M-3. 蘭鋳
M-4. アイアムコンピュータ

逹瑯
「なんかあっという間でしたが楽しかったです。ちょっと客席が暗くてみんなの顔があまり見えなかったのが心残りですが、もうちょっと長い時間ステージに立っていたかったなー。またのちほど。」

ミヤ
「また来年も楽しみたいです。」

YUKKE
「5月の武道館が楽しみになった。今日初めて観た人も、武道館に遊びに来てくれたら嬉しいなあ。今度の5月の武道館もかっこいいから来てね。」

SATOち
「やっぱりセッションで光GENJIになれたことがこどもの頃からの夢だったので本当に嬉しいです！　Яyoを含めYUKKEやShinji、kenさん、本当に光GENJIにならせてくれて、ありがとう！　そのあとのムックは気持ちよかったです！　楽しかったです！」

Vocal：hyde（L'Arc～en～Ciel） Guitar：JIMMY（44MAGNUM） Bass：TAKASHI（BUG） Drums：ゆうや（シド） M-1. Electric Eye M-2. Freewheel Burning
hyde 「まぢで歌いました。」 JIMMY 「Sな感じでとても楽しかったです…Mかな？」

Vocal：PAUL
Vocal：STEVIE
Guitar：JIMMY
Bass：RAY
Drum：JOE

M-1. Take Me To Your Heart
M-2. I’M LONELY MAN
M-3. SURRENDER
M-4. I JUST CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE

PAUL
「久々にトリをとらせてもらって緊張してしまいましたが、みんなが温かく迎えてくれて緊張もほぐれました。みんなの笑顔がまた見たいので来年ね！」

STEVIE
「楽しめた？　来年はもっと楽しもう！」

JIMMY
「やっぱりJACKがイチバン！」

RAY
「SEX, DRUGS, ROCK'N'ROLL！」

JOE
「夏以来ですが、今回1つのセッションだけで出番が少なくて寂しかったです」

Vocal：
PAUL（44MAGNUM）
kyo（BUG / D'ERANGER）
Morrie（Creature Creature / DEAD END）
hyde（L'Arc～en～Ciel）
逹瑯（ムック）
マオ（シド）
左迅（ギルガメッシュ）
龍寺（ゾロ）
Guitar：JIMMY（44MAGNUM）
Bass：JACK
Drum：JOE（44MAGNUM）

M-1. 永遠の街-THE “NOISE”CITY-

"Electric Eye" Judas Priest from Session F

"Freewheel Burning" Judas Priest from Session F

“最高だ！”

Can't find any videos for 永遠の街-THE “NOISE”CITY- ... I love that song!!!

The show started at 2pm and ended at 8pm, total of six hours. I heard from the crowd that the show should end around 10pm, eight hours!?!??!?! omg. awesome... But I'm glad it ended "earlier". I met up with ex-colleagues in Tokyo around 9pm -_-" after checking in to the hotel *rushhhhh*. Then we had dinner, gossip... gossip... and more gossiping. =)

December 28, 2010 I met up with ex-colleague for lunch. And found Forever 21 in Ginza!!! Got 2 pairs of cute nighty shorts with matching eye masks. =) Happy!

Next, I dropped by Hibiya Park as I really missed this park!!! Didn't have time to roam around but I checked out the Da Vinci Secret Temp Museum. It exhibited the 25 secrets analysis of the Mono Lisa painting. Ook. I don't really know much about the painting. But now I know the 25 secrets!!! HAhahaha. And I also learnt that Da Vinci he WAS a great multitalented genius! Maybe I should read more books from now. (oh well, I am reading more books now... real books... not comic books...)

Ohhh... Hibiya Park Fountain.... my ex-lunch place... =)

Then I attended the Karaoke After Party at Shibuya AX. Administrator was the opening guest again. Then various random visual J-rocker wannabe had their time on the stage. There was one particular band who looked EXACTLY LIKE.. okay almost like L'arc!!! My photos weren't too clear. But everyone was screaming as if there were!!! Some band/solo sang VAMPS... and we were dancing VAMPS DANCE below the stage... (only less than 200 people were there... and I was standing right in front of the stage.... right in front....).

Had some trouble finding this place... it was so dark... Got out at Harajuku and walked towards NHK... then almost got lost... saw the crowd.. went with it... ended up LEMON CC hall... then finally found this building... and there's not many people there at all....

Seventh Heaven

awww... that bitch in the middle... move away!

see!!! Even their shadows looked like the real deal!!! HYDE SAMA !!!!!!!!! *screams*

Hung around abit at the end of Omotesando for the lights before taking the train at Harajuku.

December 29, 2010 I hanged out at the cafe near my hotel having breakfast and reading Murakami's "Norwegian Wood" at Gotanda station and moved towards Yokohama to meet up with Chiaki and Konomi's family for dinner. Before heading to Totsuka to meet with Konomi, I had Yokohama famous Omurice near the station and continued with my book. After meeting with Konomi at Totsuka, we took a bus and went back to her house. We had Gyoza that night! Yummy. December 30, 2010 Konomi and I went to Yokohama China Town to have some chinese food.

Konomi happy with her Singaporean Bee Hoon... (with curry powder?!?!?!)

YUMMY!!! best carrot cake and the salty meat mochi that I've been looking for ages!!!

Then we had dessert! Goma dango soup! Sesame rice balls.

We went back home that night and the sister's mom made us good dinner! Hamburg wrapped with cabbage and cooked in tomato soup....... YUMMY!!! and various Japanese style salad... I'm gonna miss that so much!!! Then we watched a movie we rented from Tsutaya. December 31, 2010 we had Takoyaki party lunch before I headed to Chiba for THE NEW YEAR concert.

I then said good bye to them and headed to Chiba, checked in hotel around 4pm and headed to Makuhari Messe to buy Official Goods. I arrived at Makuhari around 5pm. The line was already longer than the great wall of China... SCARY!!! So patiently I lined up...

5.39pm

not too bad... around 5.59pm

6pm... (wait... that huge scarf looks familiar... I have that!)

8.35pm!?!?!?!?

The doors will open at 10pm and I was planning to return to my hotel sleep for awhile and grab food before heading back... but I was almost panicking when its 8.35pm and I am still super far away.... and the line wasn't moving... there was a girl dressed up like a maid with her friend, after she talked on the phone and complaining how she was about to die in the cold (it was FREEZING... I can't even feel my toes at that time...) and she was hungry... blabla... and SHE CRIED like a baby...................@_@ *shocked* finally she gave up and left the line with her friend.... and maybe 15 minutes after that the line started moving and the line splat into two!!! I went towards the left and sailed smoothly towards the front!!! phew.... lucky...

9.04pm........... FINALLY IN THE LINE IN FRONT OF THE GOODS STAND!!!! WOHOOOO!!! you have no idea how happy I was then!!!! RELIEVED!!!!

9.12pm I ran like crazy to the station to get back to the hotel..

was struggling at that point if I should just stay but I was holding too many stuff and was without makeup!!! I can't be at the concert without makeup what if HYDE sees me?!?!?!? paranoid to the max.... so I ran like mad and went back to the station... I was keeping an eye on the Red and White yearly singing show watching out for L'Arc but they appear when I was running towards the station... After noticing everyone was watching it on mobile... by the time I took out my phone and watch it... I only saw Hyde finishing the song..-_-" OMG. Neways, they sang Bless.........

Back at the hotel, decided to ditch my down jacket... and just go with my goth dress.... and charcoal pads....*cold*...... I was running out of time!! (that was what I thought.... apparently not really...) but I will be if I just took the train back... too much walking and changing of trains!!! stupid train system... so I grabbed a cab at Makuhari station and screw the train..... Got there 20 minutes pass 10pm. Since there were too many people... my number wasn't up yet... Block A1 No.1820 and there was A0 and 1820 people before me... Got a bottle of drink, waited for a bit, and went into the hall. People were packed in the front and the right, and left side was pretty empty and I decided to stand in front of the screen at the far left, pretty close to the left hand extended stage but pretty far from the middle stage... It was a huge stage!!! I didn't get to buy any light sticks... all sold out.. but I got my own... which lasted for 15 minutes!!?!?! furious... what kind of concert light sticks last for 15 minutes!!! anyways... the concert was MARVELOUS!!!!!!!! I don't have 20 years of memories with L'arc.... but I've been dreaming of attending their concert!!!! Although totally unexpected, nothing like those I've seen on DVDs........ all the other fans were surprised too. Hyde said on stage that he didn't remember how L'Arc's concert was like anymore (too much VAMPS these two years?!?!?! heehee) until the fans started yelling each of their names!!! Then Hyde confirmed that "aww.. this is how it feels.." *CUTE* I *heart* his blonde hair!!!

あなた .01

NEO UNIVERSE .02

Driver's High .03

NEXUS 4 .04

winter fall .05

flower .06

叙情詩 .07

花葬 .08

I'm so happy .09

HONEY .10

Killing Me .11

SEVENTH HEAVEN .12

STAY AWAY .13

READY STEADY GO .14

trick .15

REVELATION .16

MY HEART DRAWS A DREAM .17

New World .18

Link .19

BLESS .20

20 songs for 20th anniversary!?!?!??!!? Show ended around 2.30am. 2 and a half hours... of great happiness....... 2011.1.1 HELLO WORLD!!! I'm FUCKING HAPPY NOW!!! =) that was what I was feeling then, other than partial tiredness which is overwhelming. They announced that the next anniversary live will be at Ajinomoto Hall May 27, 28, 2011. Well... I won't be here anymore... but I hope I can get tickets for Dits.... I'm still an official member!!

Hello L'Arc...Bye bye L'Arc... Thank you L'Arc.... see you again in Paris, France L'Arc.... *dreams*

My year ended glamorously and began glamorously. I seriously have a feeling that 2011 will be a great year with family and friends... and more friends... and love. =)

THANK YOU L'Arc-en-Ciel!!! THANK YOU VAMPS!!! THANK YOU HYDE!!!

Thank you for the memorable experiences I have enjoyed in Japan. I dream. I chase. I run. I embrace. Now its within me. Strength to move even further.

Back in the hotel with my first meal of the year!!!! Wooray!!! food from lawson... pasta...-_-" Totally skipped Dec 31, 2010 dinner, only had takoyaki in the afternoon... wow...

L'A HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011.1.1 Full Report by Fan --> CLICK HERE

January 1-3, 2011 Kawaguchi-Ko. I checked out the hotel in the morning, went to Shinjuku and had McDonalds again (Jan 1, 2011 breakfast?!? lunch?!? )

We rested well. =) We had loads of fun staying in a super cheap Japanese style ryoukan. 6500yen for two nights no grand food share toilet and bathroom. But the view was pretty, same as the other expensive hotels around us. I was super proud of myself. I didn't even care if the seniors were complaining. It doesn't matter at all to me. All that it matters is that I get to protect my own happiness. Yes. Be jealous that I am happy. Hohoho.

Thanks Dits for this beautiful photo!!! =) Love ya!

I took loads of pretty photos of Mount Fuji. I've also went to FujiQ with the boys and saw the illumination lights... Christmas and new year's. Thanks Phil for granting my wish of not doing illumination hunting by myself anymore! We had Japanese curry rice resembling Mount Fuji for dinner (forgot about photo...).

Special Train!!!

Group photo!! (by one of four of the cute Japanese girls who passed by... )

HAPPY 2011 EVERYONE!!!

2010-12-20T15:49:00.003+10:00

20th L'Anniversary Starting Live

Woke up by the doorbell this morning. I finally received my L'arc ticket with my name on it!!! Block A1 No. 1820 !!! EXCITED TO THE MAX!!! omgomgomg. Hyde sama omatase~~~ two years of hard work will finally be paid off. Time for a face to face meltdown with Hyde!!! Let's go!

2010-12-17T04:04:00.002+10:00

December 15 Happy Birthday to Me

Being on this planet for 25 years might seem to be a big deal, or maybe not. But this is definitely a brand new chapter of my life (seems to be saying this a lot for the past one year, weird). A brand new chapter in the sense that I am finally closing the chapter of pursuing my life with Plan A. So here comes Plan B. And don't worry about it if Plan B never works. There will always be Plan C, D, E, F... and so on. Maybe I'm a little bit behind of plan but at least I've made the effort of making sure I am leaving Plan A behind. (I should seriously go easy on plans cause' I realized that it could be one of my weaknesses, and that seems potent enough to kill. Being not on schedule drives me crazy all the time, without fail).

Making a choice to move on is never easy. Since I have been pushed to move on previously in life, I am actually proud that I have actually made this decision by myself. Every time I thought through things over and over again, I always discover new findings. Just recently, I sort of figured some stuff out. Some goals you set will never be achieved if deep down inside you are not ready into fulfilling it (e.g. have doubts of your capability and so on). I think I got that lesson from watching Cycle 15 of America's Next Top Model. Haha. Geez. But it does make a lot of sense.

Most people, including me, will achieve something only with huge drive and motive. So back to the question where I first started. A job that you can handle but not much passion with a big salary, or job that you struggle to handle but you have loads of passion with tiny salary. That was my initial struggle that I had to face. And I have boldly decided to move on with the latter.

But the stories slowly went on into a whole new phase where I was actually lucky enough to be forced into the situation where I decided to move on from a job I can handle but not much excitement with a big salary, to a job which I struggle to handle, have loads of passion and still, with a big salary. But of course, that didn't last too long since the handling part got way messier than I've expected.

I've learn that when ability and capability both run faster and higher than passion could catch up, the device will break down. And the result of having a break down device, is to have ample time to fix it back with better functions to achieve higher ability and capability than before. Then it will then arrive a time that you have to decide if you want this device to achieve the same goal after being upgraded, or modify it into something totally different to achieve new goals.

I think that was exactly my situation.

And I am maybe not 100% sure if I am to build my device for the same or a different goal. However, I am sure to upgrade it into a stronger device, maybe a new found goal will be discovered along the way of fixing it. Healing sometimes need more time than building. I am on my way, fortunately. Slowly, but steadily. Many thoughts come through my mind everyday, regardless whether I am active or passive during the day. I have faith. When it comes, you can never run. So while moving on to the next level, boost up.

On my way, I'll get there. =)

p/s: Thanks to all the wishes from people I love and gifts, ana bel for the short but lovely dinner, dits for the yummy cakes and cookies. I truly felt loved. 16th was ex-firm's Christmas Party. I was surprised that none of the Fukuoka's staff realized that I was gone. Oh well, they have been having a tough time over there and 2 staffs have left eventually before and after my departure. And I was gone for almost three months. But I appreciated the messages they sent and telling me that I am missed. I miss them too. I will try to see them if we get a chance to. Meanwhile, few days ago, ex-Tokyo staff sent me a surprise message telling me she just heard I left the firm. I am glad news like that didn't spread too fast. And we shall meet up in Tokyo end of this year together with some of the other ex-Tokyo staff. I honestly have bad nightmares about Tokyo branch, but I am glad that these nicest people in Tokyo always make me smile when thinking back those days (days having fun, not work, of course). It can't be just all bad right. Bad memories were always compensated by good ones. It just made me feel warm and cozy inside knowing that I am loved and missed. That could stay with me for a long long while.

Cheers,
to a grand beginning of adulthood.

2010-12-10T14:40:00.001+10:00

It's me talking again, with myself.

Does anyone know that if you sleep with a full stomach of cheese pizza, you will get multiple dreams of people used to be close to your heart or close to you physically years ago?

I finally get to fall asleep around 12 midnight. That was almost 5 hours of my usual sleeping time nowadays. Considering that I wake up way past noon everyday, sleeping at 5 am seems reasonable.

So I have this plan of heading to the park for a run in the morning, for a long while. I woke up at 8am this morning, though with those nice cozy dreams and still feeling tired, I headed back to sleep and woke up slightly earlier than my usual time, 1pm.

Maybe it’s the cold that I’ve caught still making me tired, my throat still hurts like hell with slight fever that hasn’t been gone for awhile now. Or maybe it’s the cold air that I’ve been feeling in my room that forced me into hibernation mode.

I am not sure. But maybe I didn’t mind after all. This was a first step. I will start going to bed earlier so that I could wake up earlier without feeling tired. Then I could probably cycle to the park and have my run. I know that I need my stamina. I need that stamina to project my inner strength in vocal. Vocal instructor could only teach me necessary techniques, but I guess my inner potential has to be polished by myself. I’m the only one who could fix it.

No inner will of stepping out of my apartment though. Should I force it? Maybe not. I know that I need to recover. And I have been outside playing for the past few days with my cold, not good.

Today’s schedule, reading and writing, completing that with loads of water and rest.

2010-12-08T04:51:00.002+10:00

After more than two months of good damn rest...

I think I'm around 80% back. Back to the normal good old me.

The me with loads of crazy thoughts.
The me with loads of ideas waiting to be carried out in real life.
The me who have so much to say and have so much to blog about.
The me who can talk to people about my thoughts without leaving anything behind.

Perhaps, most of the toxic accumulated has been out to the bin.

Honestly, if you were me, maybe you would freak out too.
Taking things for granted.
Losing yourself.
Finding yourself back.
Fitting in and getting use to it.
Finally wanting to make some sense out of things I say or have said.

Been living in a dream for too long.
Of course, never going to live out of a dream.
But living a different one instead.
One that could probably link me to the reality.
It might work.
Anything is possible.

Recently, whenever people sees me, they always ask.
"Hey what have you been doing lately?"
me: "Nothing."
Envy? Maybe. Or maybe not, I read thoughts from people's behavior.
I will know what's in your mind.

Anyways, you are not me. And I am me.
By doing nothing.
Its actually not really nothing.
Healing is a long process.
And being patient to understand my own need is crucial.
Been talking to myself, arguing with myself, fighting with myself.
Nobody wins, of course.
But I always get something out of that the end of the day.
I get part of myself back every time I try to do that.
Exhausting. But totally worth it.

I'm feeling hungry.
Hungry to learn.
Any damn thing.
Things that I've missed out.
Things I use to do when I was still me.
It starts from things I read, things I listen to, things I play with.
Feeling like a curious kid once again, hungry for anything I could reach out there.
I'm glad the universe has just became larger than we thought.
Too many possibility. Too little time.

Now I am feeling curious, since when I stop doing all these catching up?
No answer.
Maybe I was trapped subconsciously.
Maybe I was too engrossed with something that seemed important.
Maybe that something is no longer important.

I am glad.
Keep thinking what I'm thinking.
Keep sharing what I want to share.
Even if it hurts. It is always better to get it out of the system.

They always say.
The best way to build something.
Is to first destroy it.

I guess that does make a lot of sense.
Destroyed. Built.
New.
Working on it.
No more conventional thoughts.
No more following rules. Oh well, never had.
Just be me.
Whether you like it or not.

Be thankful if I love you.
Don't hate me if I don't.

2010-10-15T18:16:00.002+10:00

October 15, 2010 - Another New Beginning, once again...

Last post dated February 2010, not really, but was almost looking forward to what's gonna happen next at that point. And no, I have not seen any Flash Forward of myself but I am almost certain that I will end up somewhere close. What's bonus? I have made decisions on how to get on with my life. All I need to do is to move forward. This time around, no more moving or rather running forward for anyone's sake. I move forward, for my own sake. I am glad. No one else is going to push me forward anymore, I will move on my own pace this time around.

Left my firm for about one month now, after two years of amazing experiences. Looking through one of the Japanese omikuji I got from Fukuoka Tower almost 5 months ago, it says roughly about my fortune relating to "losing balance in how heart is treating things, will be lost in the street of evil, however big fortune helped to get away from this whole unfortunate event..." I am a strong believer in how things will always turn out the way it wanna turn out to be, no matter how much you fight it, yet I am surprise that this reading on that piece of paper is basically what happened. Unfortunately, it doesn't say what is coming next for me. But I don't think it will be necessary at this mean time, I will figure it out by myself.

Gaining energy at this point of time. Don't ask me what am I doing and what I am going to do next. All I know is that something great is about to happen and I will follow the flow until the right time to act. I have learned along the way that forcing things to happen at the wrong time will just lead to regrets and unnecessary events. I will now breathe and be patient, get positive energy and maybe some wisdom, so that I will be ready to proceed with the next chapter.

I am totally looking forward to another brand new start. =)

2010-02-13T00:11:00.003+10:00

OH MY GOSH........

Coming back to this blog, feels like waking up after a snooze in August 2009, and realized it's FEBRUARY 12, TWO THOUSAND AND TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have done Tokyo.... in Fukuoka, Kyushu now.

Life must have been running too fast for any sort of update. Oh well. That is the truth to this world. 6 more weeks. I will be back at where I have started. But everything else have changed. Everyone has changed. or rather. gone/left/quit.

Gonna be a crazy start. How many beginnings do I even need in a life. I have more than enough to last for a long time. But yet. Being able to restart more than several times within 24 years, seemed to be a little bit retard. Or rather. Like a joke. I guess I am getting use to it. My RPG lifestyle. That's what I'm gonna call it. Each chapter has its own beginning. Until your brain is overflow with all random memories. Suddenly, one day, it will decide not to remember anymore. Then nightmare will form. Linking various patch of memories in a life time.

I am barely there. I will take my time to get there. No rush.

2009-08-30T01:01:00.003+10:00

It's been a long time dayo ne?

Summer is going to be over soon. Here comes Autumn again.

It is this time of the year again, when I first started. All fresh and excited to be exposed to the cruel adult world. It has been one year since I arrived in this country. Now I am moving towards another stage of life.

Haven't been writing, probably haven't been thinking lately. Maybe I've been missing out a lot. But at the same time I've been gaining a lot. Something that no one back home really understands. Something that no one around me understands either. It felt like as if I've been quarantined from the world I came from, for the longest time.

I've forgotten too many things that I used to know. I've forgotten who I used to be.

I am still who I am. Things changes and I am getting use to everything I am. I might not be the one that you used to know anymore. But I am still the me that I first started. People take things for granted. People think they know me. Maybe it's just me that make people feel that way. Or maybe this is just how people are. I will soon moving towards another phase where I want to be stronger and braver. Sometimes I think I might not be as strong and still am a scady-chicken. But I have come a long long way. Longer than you ever imagine, with my own strength. I have achieved my unachievable. Been to places out of your reach. Seen things that I no longer know how to describe. Beauty way beyond the describable. I am flipping the pages that people has been missing out.

Sacrifices.

If you want it, you just have to lose it.

This is life.

I am happy. It is tough but my choice leave me no where else to go. Before I accomplish my goal, I will not stop moving. It is still pushing forward, up till this day. I listen every heartbeat and follow it religiously. Machigai ne. Desuyo ne? Maybe I don't have the answers now. I will keep moving. Making miracles. Changing lives. Doing my thing. Until one fine day, people stop trying to understand me and try to accept me. The day will come. When people stop taking me for granted and start to show respect to other fellow human beings. Maybe things will get better.

Along the way, I have learn to know myself better. I am like a sponge. I absorb and release in a brand new form. I treat people the way they treat me. Be it the good or the bad. What you give, I take and give it back. You damn well deserve in return of what you give others.

Hope everything will be smooth going. I will pack my stuff, and get ready to move on again. New environment, new people to meet hopefully. New chapter of a good beginning. This is going to be fun. Next Chapter, Tokyo.

2009-08-12T00:44:00.004+10:00

帅不帅？？？

好爱好爱新发型哦！！！我可以加入棒棒堂了啦。讨厌！啊哈哈哈啊。最近常常人来疯。也许工作真的让人发神经。但我觉得生活更加让我变神经病。这一秒说要变成大美女，下一秒变成大帅哥。是发生什么事了? ゼンゼン分かれない。でもね、うれしいよ、あたし。自分のこと今だよすきだから。大丈夫だよ！接下来会发生什么事,也许老天爷都不知道. 哪里还轮得到我操心.对不对.I will start collecting my happiness now. Put them in a bottle and save it for the future. Anything can happen in the future. But all I need to do now is to make sure I accomplish aims with all 100% of my effort, so that I will never regret. Am I doing it right? Is everything gonna be alright? I have no clue at all. But I will do my best as I always does. I will be blessed once again.

2009-08-09T14:04:00.008+10:00

SUMMER SONIC 2009 @ Maishima, Osaka, Japan - August 8. 2009

Gerald from My Chemical Romance

I am a HAPPY PERSON now. Thank you MCR!!! You guys rock the hell out of me!!!

Fireworks are blasting in the sky!!! really big and nice right after their performance.... sugoi!!!

This is a perfect way to celebrate SUMMER. When its farking burning HOT. Summer Concerts are amazing. I'm glad to be part of it while I'm alive. And I feel alive now. Music feeds my soul. I feel charged and ready to go. I will remember this summer forever. With loads of music lover. Loads of beer and liquor. Good company and interesting small stories to share. My life in Japan is almost accomplished.

Thank you Ditas. I know its tough to fight age. and your body mind and soul. Glad you had fun too. If we met 10 years earlier? I'm just glad that we met each other afterall. Love ya. Things will be able to change and get better. You are still young in heart ne?

Next in line, VAMPS. Hyde sama in action in Universal Studio Japan on August 24, 2009. Second milestone to my achievement in Japan.

After I've seen and experience L'arc En Ciel, maybe that's when I'm done with Japan?!?!?!?

We shall see. =)

2009-07-23T01:25:00.004+10:00

Left Brain	Right Brain
43%	57%

You are more right-brained than left-brained. The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. In addition to being known as right-brained, you are also known as a creative thinker who uses feeling and intuition to gather information. You retain this information through the use of images and patterns. You are able to visualize the "whole" picture first, and then work backwards to put the pieces together to create the "whole" picture. Your thought process can appear quite illogical and meandering. The problem-solving techniques that you use involve free association, which is often very innovative and creative. The routes taken to arrive at your conclusions are completely opposite to what a left-brained person would be accustomed. You probably find it easy to express yourself using art, dance, or music. Some occupations usually held by a right-brained person are forest ranger, athlete, beautician, actor/actress, craftsman, and artist.

Check yours? Click HERE.

2009-07-20T20:22:00.002+10:00

好久没有更新了。

最近很忙。

忙着工作。忙着生活。忙着不让自己放弃。忙着不让自己倒下。

感谢短短痛苦的日子里，还有很多不断帮助和照顾我的人。谢谢你们。

虽然痛苦才刚开始，我觉得我应该有足够的力量，继续往前拚。

过了那么久，一直把自己推向最前面。就算不想往前，还是硬着头皮向前走。有时候迷失了，不记得了，还是会潜意识的继续该做的事情。有时候已经忘了思考。每一步都靠感觉。如果不记得感觉了，偶尔会乱了阵脚。但每当这个时候，一定会有人在身边，拉我一把，让我觉得我暂时不是一个人。

在家靠父母，出外靠朋友。偶尔遇到贵人，命还算不错。

我知道自己的命。总是不管辛不辛苦，只要是脑袋里想要的，就会奋不顾身的去得到。常常选择不规则的路。这就是我的命。

我可不可以不勇敢。不知不觉，已经变得坚强。也许有一天，我不再记得自己是谁，至少我记得我很努力。走到今天这一步，创造着自己的历史。明天之后的每一天，都会更精彩。我期待。

2009-06-21T02:26:00.008+10:00

GACKT 様のライフは最高です！　June ２０，２００９　大阪城ホル

GACKT 2009 Visualive 2009. 4 hours worth of performance. Live drama. Movie Screen. Great theme and story. Good performance, vocal/music-violinpianoguitar/band/dance. Explosion. Great fun. The Cat neko dance machine was so fun. Big screen showing cat's paw and we can all dance according like Guitar hero.

GACKT showed his talent in this live. A lot of his fans. are old women. okay. to phrase it nicer. Middle age ladies. which is weird enough. but I figured out he will make a really good host. Maybe that's why he is really popular among the obaachans.

And we screamed our heads off for more than half an hour. with GaCkt sama. He is CRAZY. Crazy fun. Love it. He has a really big voice. really great band mates. Eventhough we all know he is gay. But if I have the chance. I am sure I could turn him straight. I'm sure I can.

Had a lot of fun. It's a really enjoyable day. Thank you Ditas sama for coming with me!!! =)

2009-06-07T23:30:00.009+10:00

くっちゃん、すごいのライフだよ！　Koda　Kumi　TRICK　２００９　大阪城ホル　June 7, 2009

くっちゃん、どもありがとうございます。すばらしいのライフだよ。 , 最高の歌。ほんとにすきです。痛い。I can feel it through your voice... 綺麗のメモリ、でも痛い。もうちょっと強いね？いしょうに頑張ってます！

そして、デタス様、ありがとうよ！いつも、thank you for being here, there and everywhere. Koda Kumi rocked your world now ne? Really glad that you felt the same way. Smart people think alike dayo ne? hohoho.

2009-06-05T02:33:00.005+10:00

no matter how much I will change.

no matter how much I need to sacrifice.

I will fight till the end... until the day I DIE.

I'm proud to be who I am. Really proud. I will hold my pride till eternity.

2009-05-31T16:49:00.063+10:00

Together, Forever 21...原宿 May 23, 2009

Cheryn & Masa

Cheryn <3 Forever 21

Cheryn & David

David & Masa

hahahhahaha

@_@

proposing by the main road in Harajuku.

Masa & David

Sunny and Cheryn

Masa, David, Sunny

David & Masa

Masa

David

新宿

痛い？

attempt 1

attempt 2

attempt 3

Masa being super "extra" in this photo...ねぇ？

？？？

うえの・アメ横 May 24, 2009
(it's like "pasar pagi")

awaiting for the moment...

awaiting for the moment too....

Cherries

fatty tuna

Walking towards Imperial Palace

Masa, David, Sunny

みった？

Cheryn & Sunny

Masa

六本木　ヒルス

東京タワー

ごめんなさい。。。携帯の写真だけど。。。and you risked your life... hahahahhahah Hard Rock Cafe, Tokyo

Maybe soon they will have Star Bucks, Umeda... someday... or Gloria Jeans@IMP, Tully's@Crystal Tower... haahhahahhaha

L'arc~En~Ciel

なに？

KimuTaku　new drama!!!

Tokyo tower

東京デス二　ランド May 25, 2009

Masa, Sunny, David

Sunny, David, Cheryn

プルト！！！可愛い！！！

autograph??? so cute~~~

aren't they cute???

Gay Pooh and Cheryn

Waltz Disney and Mickey

My Palace

Cheryn, David, Masa, Sunny ^_^

Parade~~~~~

I love Buzz buzz~~~~~

Cheryn and her palace

Cheryn and Friends~~~ with her palace

Studious Masa

M.I.C.K.E.Y. M.O.U.S.E.~

awww....

Masa. Cheryn

Alice wonderland

Goofy's house.. it was his birthday !!!

Tomorrow land

WALL-E

BabyMasa. David

Night Parade~~~~~~

So many people crowded in front of Mickey Revue... until the last moment before Disney land closes... we have no idea... Micky didn't come out to say Goodnight...>_<

Happy people spinning in this crazy world...

Inside Mickey Revue... mickey Ochestra

One of my all-time favourite games... I call it the Crazy-Spinning-TeaCup!!!! Let's go crazy~~~~

David!

Masa!

"It's a small world afterall~~~ It's a small world afterall~~~"

David. Masa

Magical Kingdom

築地市場 Fish Market May 26, 2009

Hungry people lining up for fresh sushi

ChinaTown　横浜

ⅰ told my collegues that I ate Panda Meat... they were all shocked.... hahahha

可愛い～　

Crazy Masa

Sunny~~

Cheryn and Masa

Chinese　Temple

Landmark Tower

プりクラ　

Back to Osaka... Alone....寂しい！＞＿＜

Last Supper in 守口市 May 29, 2009

David, Sunny, Masa

Sunny, Masa

Crazy kid

そして。。。
Present~~~

Love this~~ thank you!!! I will use this everyday and think of you guys!!! =)

David, Sunny, Masa, thank you.
本とにありがとうございました！
すごい楽しかったですよ。
David.Sunny.
Please come back to Osaka again soon ya. Masa and family will be waiting for you guys to mess up their place. hahaha. When you guys left, Osaka rained crazily throughout the night.
Take good care of yourselves... まった　ね？

2009-05-17T21:03:00.008+10:00

我是Cheryn. 我Love Life.

“将近24 的人生，熬过了每一个低潮。相信潮落之后会有潮起。”

我现在很幸福。

我一直深深相信拼了命的付出，到最后一定会得到比想象的还多。记得不要抱怨，不要停止努力。就算再糟糕，也只不过是放弃这么简单。为什么不要狠狠硬着头皮去闯呢？放弃后就会一直猜测，然后继续怀疑自己的能力。为什么不要努力下去，自己凭自己的能力，看看自己能走多远呢？

想想自己这一路走来，好人、坏人，都遇过了。在意外闯进别人的世界的同时，我认识了很多、很多很棒的人。我庆幸自己这一生能遇见这群人。当缘份的线偷偷的绑着两端的时候，我发誓我们会成为一辈子的好朋友。就算大家都各自在世界的每一端，努力创造着属于自己的奇迹。我感恩。谢谢让我参与你们的人生。

在日本大阪的第八个月，仿佛失去了之前所有的一切。感觉像是丢弃了朋友、家人，一个人离乡背景到外面流浪。但我在这里过得超乎自己想象的好。我在这里拥有了自己的新世界。新的家人、新的朋友、新的生活、新的态度。我不再是以前胆小、懦弱、没自信的我。就因为我爱自己。我Love Life。

爱能够改变一切。
爱可以变成一条线，拉住彼此的心。
爱让人变得成熟、懂事。
爱让世界上每一件事得到平衡。

黑人哥哥说：“我们不能预测生命的长度，但是我们能够活出生命的宽度和高度”。

我被说服了。

~把难过、悲伤丢掉。让我们一起Love Life。~

请支持黑人哥哥爱的计划。Let us 〉〉〉Love Life〈〈〈。

2009-04-23T01:46:00.004+10:00

Presenting... the beauty of Sakura 櫻　March-April 2009

2009-03-25T02:03:00.002+10:00

Half a year in Japan　最近どう？　元気？

I have been a really strong and good girl for the past 6 months. Still standing strong. The wind is getting harsher.

I have been exposed to this cruel world. Where there is good, there is evil too. It has been tough, seeing the world with not just my eyes. Treating myself and people around me the way I feel like it. No more pretending. I could see. So much clearer. With my heart.

Don't ever ask me how everything works for me. I don't have an answer. I trust my senses. It is the only thing that brought me this far. I don't trust people. I trust my feelings. That is the only thing I depend on. People change, feelings are real.

如果正义会换来惨痛的牺牲，我愿意就这样死掉。

だから、あたしの事は心配くないで。いいね？最近の仕事、すごく大変。でも皆もいしょうに頑張っています。もちょっとだけ、もちょっと強い。今皆笑っての顔、心の中、いつも見える。最近はいろいろの事があるけど、教えってのことはもいろいろ。もしかし、今死んちゃったも大丈夫。

I love. I hate. I laugh. I cry. This is my life.

2009-01-10T23:51:00.008+10:00

I'm BORED. That's why I'm BACK.

Memorable December 31, 2008- January 3, 2009

December 31, 2008

Shinkansen hajimette yo!!! Ikuzo!!!

Mt. Fuji

The Landmark Tower, Yokohama

The RedBricks Building

fitting Yokohama in one picture =) Sky Garden

Love this photo || kirei janai?

Chi-chan and atashi

January 1, 2009 Happy New Year!!!

Sun rise...

This year will be a good year. I believe.

Osechi (Japanese eat them during New Year, delicious!)

Famous Shrine in Asakusa, Tokyo (This scene appeared in "Celeb to Bimbo Taro"!)

Look at the crowd!!! Japanese say their prayers during New Year.
5 yen for good relationship. 45 yen for long lasting relationship. >_<Pretty. I love Tokyo Tower!Amazing night view2009 Tokyo Tower
We climbed 600steps, 150 meters to go up.

January 2, 2009

Harajuku Angel Heart Crepe. Best EVER!!! it's not FLAT. Ureshii~~~

to Odaiba. Rainbow bridge desu.Fuji Television

My favourite Rainbow bridge.

Rainbow Bridge. Now we know why it's called Rainbow bridge... ne? hahaha

It is Winter now. Freaking cold. Hate it cold!!! I want to hibernate and wake up when it's Spring.

But since I'm not an animal. I can't do that. I will have to wake up in the morning, fight with the coldness and go to work. I have to put warm pack on my tummy and my back to keep me going through the day in the office. Then I will have to fight my way home in the cold until I am warm again after my bath. A few hours later. It starts all over again.

Now it's Saturday. I lazed at home, stay warm, watch drama. I will fight through coldness again tomorrow when I start exploring Osaka.

新しいの友達が欲しい！お願い致します！
じゃ　まった！

2008-11-22T02:51:00.002+10:00

Crazy.Dreams.

Don't wake me up just yet. I'm enjoying every moment of it right now.

It seems crazy, but to all of us over here, it's just a different world. I felt that I'm living in a world that contains another world. When it gets crazy after awhile, it feels normal. So who is going to define normal anyway.

I promise I will take good care of myself. Everyone over here has been taking care of me. I can't describe how grateful I am right now to have people watching my back. I never have that feeling that I have left school and right now working in the society. I still feel that I am in school. Learning every single day about new things and new skills. Having fun with colleagues and seniors in the office and out of the office everyday. Sometimes the office is like a kindergarten when everyone gets happy and crazy on Fridays. I just love it.

Don't wake me up just yet. I want to keep these moments in my memory so that I will never forget that work can be so much fun. Before I lose myself in this crazy world, I will try to hold on to it.

A clear heart makes me see clearer. I do see clearer. It was as if I am a kid. I portray what I feel, like a kid. People reveal themselves once they are near me. Waiting for me to give them approval, which sounds kind of weird. Why would anyone want my approval? I'm not even someone important.

Don't come close to me if you are a bad person. I might just expose you. =)

Going to be three months working here. It feels like it's just yesterday since I came here. On the other hand, I've been here as if for ages. Getting use to almost everything over here. Job and Life. I just need a pink life that's all. But I guess I could never experience the same thing again. Born to have a tough life. That's my life. One of the sacrifice to live up dreams. Alright. I will bear it. As long as it is a pretty life. I will still be fine.

2008-10-16T00:48:00.001+10:00

Out of words to describe my life

2008-09-28T01:43:00.003+10:00

Maybe I'm... Ready to Fly

It has been 3 weeks now.

Everythings good. Couldn't ask for more could I? I've a good life and I'm enjoying while learning from it. I'm glad I've chosen to be who I am and not who I need to be. I guess I could never be the person that I need to be. That is just too difficult for me. Being myself is the easiest, isn't it? Just speak when I feel like it, sing when I feel like it, do anything when I feel like it. Nobody's telling me what to do. I'm living my life. So I will live the way I like.

I have to keep reminding myself the reason that I am here doing what I am doing. Everyone here has their own plans and reasons to stay here. Some of them came here without expecting anything, some of them came here for the job, some came for the experience, some did this to prove their ability, some just didn't have anywhere else to go.

I am here because I chose to come here. I want to live the life of the people here. I want to experience life as it is over here. We don't live long. This might be the only chance that I have and I don't wait. I don't mind hard work, cause that is how we churn money from it isn't it? I will curse idiotic people now and then and avoid them as usual but they will never get into my way.

I want to meet more people of my own kind. I know they exist. They always do. But I always miss my chance to get to know more about them. I am all over the place all the time, everywhere else but near them. I will find my way and I am on my way.

Listening to Amy Pearson's Ready to Fly

strikes me hard.

Verse 1

I open my eyes the world seems a different place,

The colours are brighter and the air is sweet to taste.

see it's like I woke up from a nightmare that tied me down,

I smothered and trapped insiode a sleep way underground

Pre 1

Its time I learned to fall,

To say the word goodbye.

To feel the sunlight on my face,

Maybe that means...

Chorus

I'm ready to fly,I wanna breathe in and breathe out and be who I am,

Let go of fear wanna feel alive.

I'm ready to fly,

The more that you hold me back you set me free,

You help my heart decide..Maybe I'm,

maybe I'm ready to fly.

Verse 2

Where is your faith,

where is your love for me?

Why do you fight the things I imagine in my dreams?

See the poison is strong,

an addiction is tough to break.

But love is the hardest thing I have ever had to shake.

Pre 2
Its time to break these chains,

To look you in the eye,

To tell you that its over now,

Maybe that means...

Bridge

(Give me the strength to walk away)

(Give me the strength to stay the road ahead)

Even if it's a lonely place.

(Give me the hope to mend this heart)

(Give me the chance to see love smile, smile again)

To see love smile..

Maybe I'm,

maybe I'm ready to fly

Love the song. She is a genius composer. I want to be like her one day. Singing what people feel. I am ready to fly. But actually, I already flew.

"Give me the strength to walk away... the strength to stay the road ahead... even if it's a lonely place."

I can live without friends and family. I am already living without friends and family. I am all alone. But I don't feel lonely. This is my choice and I'm getting use to this. Working life is lonely. You can trust nobody. When I get use to it, you can call me an adult all you want. But before that, I'm still a kid. I don't want to grow up. But life keeps pushing me. I wonder how long I could stay like this. No matter what it is, I will still be me, at least I will try to remember this moment for awhile. So until I forget about this prettiest moment of my life, please remind me okay?

22 years of my life. I live with no regrets and a clear conscience. How can it get any sweeter than this? I will try not to have a kind soul. A kind soul is a weak soul. Weak souls die young. I want to live long enough to accomplish goals. Attempting exciting habits.

Don't worry. I will be just fine.

2008-09-02T21:56:00.004+10:00

First day of work 01.09.2008

Yesterday was my first day of work. Things were extremely smooth going. At least I thought so. Woke up early and got dressed up. I brought lunch along too. Wearing my suit and it was freaking hot out there, I walked to the station to meet the other colleague who would show me to work.

Every first day of the month will have a Zentai meeting in the firm. It was pretty awesome. Everyone will just gather around the office with teleconferencing facility, the head office and 2 branches, Tokyo and Fukuoka branch had the meeting together. All the new staff had to introduce themselves. At least I was told to introduce myself for 45 sec. That went on smoothly. No cramps, no startle, no panic. You might be thinking I should be fine. I thought so too. But I really didn't expect it to be almost perfect. Read some documents in office and went of to do my gaijin card (Alien registration card). Took the subway beneath my office and I reached there safely. Just that I went into the police station (cause I was told to go to that building written 'Police station' on it. But the police people were nice. One of them even s.poke English, he came to rescue and showed me the correct place, which was just opposite. I was calm all the while. As if I knew things would be just fine. I don't know why, but I really felt calm even when I should be panicking, which is a really good sign.

After that, I went shopping back at my building area. Oh yeah, I could see the Osaka-jo (Osaka Castle) from my work place. Really nice view. I bought a lot of stuff, plus a pair of shoes. Man, Japanese they have small feet. The largest size was like 25 cm and limited choices were left. So after trying and nearly gave up (I have difficulties walking with my one-and-only pair of heels), I bought a flat working shoes for about 2000 yen (60 ringgit). Then I went home.

I always said things do happen for a reason. No matter good or bad. I dropped my train card and house card on the street while I was walking back home. I was like 'shit' for awhile. Didn't think much and kept looking for it the way I passed by. Then I went back home with my spare house card, put my stuff and head off to the street again to search for it. I placed the cards in this 100 yen peachy pink card holder with my mini wombat hanging on it. So it is really a big item and you cannot miss it. I searched for near an hour walking even to the train station where I am really sure will not be there as I dropped it near my house (I was still holding it when I bought a bottle of 100 yen thick green tea from the vending machine). I even asked the auntie sweeping the floor and an uncle walking around the area whether they saw it. But no luck. I wasn't panic at all. I swear. Somehow I knew I would find it. At last, I gave up, went back to my place and I asked my neighbour/senior to help. She was happily opening the door asking me how's first day of work as she was on leave when I told her I lost my cards. She was really nice. She accompanied me walking to the streets again even though I've walked through at least 4 times. Meanwhile, one nice auntie was standing in front of her shop. She saw us looking for something and asked whether I've lost something. That's it! She got my pink card folder~!!! I was so relieved for awhile. She is so cute and nice. I kept saying Arigato! Arigato!

Second day of work 02.09.2008

Today, was my first day of official doing work in the office.

It was all cool and I was learning how to do things. I learnt about Q-ing where the Japanese staffs will sort the e-mails (Jap/Eng) and pass the e-mails to the Gaijins (Aliens, foreigners) to sort them. 01 Sept was labour day in the states and our firm deal a lot with the states so there was only 22 English e-mails to sort. Tomorrow will be a busier day I guess!

I reviewed files with cases, checked and wrote response letter and bills reminder (those were edited like 5 times but it was alright, at least I felt safer when someone's checking my work). The foreigners somehow do help each other in the firm. Watching over each other's back perhaps, or maybe just the seniors. Some will try to be smart to do something weird where I just do whatever I was taught. I really need to focus more when reviewing and writing letters as one small mistake, our firm will be sued. As scary as it seems, I find it challenging. I will definitely try my best. Nobody wants the firm to be sued neither do they want to get fired. So I guess meanwhile I'm taken care of until I could work on my own, which is soon.

Left work around 6.45 pm. Went to the supermarket to get some food. Saw some nice grapes and bought some. I passed by the corner eating shop where the cute auntie who found my cards and she was there preparing food. I greeted her and thank her once again and gave her the grapes. She was really nice. Her husband was around too. Thanking me for the grapes. They seemed really nice.

Been ages that I blogged this much. I am So so So SO sO freaking happy today. Hope tomorrow will be as good as today. Hope everyday will be as good as today. Hope that I will wake up like today, smiling, happy and ready for work.

I am glad. I live my dreams. I live the way it should be lived. Good luck to me. Till then.

Takoyaki stand

Young girls hanging out inside. This is summer.

That is my building. Crystal Tower.

Migi ni chu ui! Look right first.

On my way home

The train

2008-08-31T23:07:00.002+10:00

疲れたな！でも、何もしません。可笑しいですよ。だから、明日は　仕事　の　第一日です。だから、ちょっと　ふあん　ですな。　全部も準備しました。絶対に大丈夫、たぶんね。

好いの事　お願いします！＾＿＾

Go go Fighting!　Let's see what will happen on my first day of work.

2008-08-30T12:11:00.007+10:00

あたしは　今　日本の大阪　います　から。＞＿＜

お早う！

今日　は　の天気　ちょっと　暑い　ですよ。　それから、ちょっと　雨　あります。午後　べリンダさん　とあたし　京橋　に　行きますから、買い物おします。

今の気もちは　ちょっと　ふあんです。でもやっぱり　大丈夫です、ね？しごっと　のみんなさんは　好いの人、たぶんね。でも　仕事は　大変ですよ。　ちょっと　恐い　です。　

でもあたしは元気です、だから　あたしは絶対に　大丈夫です。

Hello! I'm currently in Osaka, Japan typing this in my mini apartment studio. It's a cozy little place that I pretty much quite like. Today will be my second day in Osaka. Yesterday went out with some colleagues as they were supposed to meet me for a welcoming session. It was raining and we went to a Gaijin Pub (Foreigners Pub). Everything that was happening seemed to be pretty acceptable for me. I wonder how well would fit in this new environment.

Kansai International Airport - Train station

Ticket Machine

Towards some hotels

Entrance to trains

From Airport

My little tini apartment

Shoe rack

Washing Machine

Kitchen Area

Fridge

Toilet

Bathroom

LivingRoom/Bedroom

Closet & Upstairs(so cramp, can barely sit up straight)

Living space

Lunch for 950yen

Miso, Pudding and really big peaches!!!

My train card with name in Katagana on it

My house card

Back of it

Whatever it is, I really hope that this experience could inspire me at least something. Life experience, be it good or bad. I'm taking them all.

Wish me luck! *chu*

2008-08-22T11:03:00.005+10:00

University of Queensland Graduation 16 July 2008

2008-08-21T01:51:00.002+10:00

Am I prepared? *shakes head frantically*

8 more days towards departure. Soon I'll be joining a group of people in the society called "the adults" contributing my knowledge to the people and earn some bucks and experience.

There are many people that I've yet to meet and spend time with. 1 month and 2 weeks. It passed by before I even notice it. I've just received the notice from my Japan company that I've got my working visa done and I'll be gone for Japan end of the month, 29th Aug 2008 1.10am SIA from Changi terminal 3. The news pulled me back to reality. No more slacking and relaxing.

Missing all the people from all the places.

I'll be back. At least I hope that I'll be back someday. When all the people and places are not the same again, I hope they'll at least remember the good old days and the memories with me in them.

So long my home town. I'm off for an adventure and I'll be home one day.

2008-07-14T23:48:00.003+10:00

Holiday updates

Back from all the traveling, one more week in Brisbane, I'll be back to the place where I started for a precious month before I start to leave home again.

It has been an exciting holiday. We eat wherever we go, we sing K wherever we go. I was really glad that I've met up with David in Sydney (Thank you David for bringing me around, showing me a bit of his life and circle of friends, it was awesome!); Joyce@ChengCheng and Jack in New Zealand (I really want to thank ChengCheng for squeezing her precious time to bring us around whenever she can and inviting me to her live tv/radio program in NZ. Singing live on tv, that was really crazy. Incredible experience. A bigger thank you to Cindy for providing a place for us to stay, bringing us to good restaurants and providing all the help we needed. Thank you Jack for coming all the way just to see me! Couldn't thank you guys enough.) Will miss you guys tonnes and tonnes till we meet again ya.

To the others all over the world:
Can't wait to meet up with you guys!

We've met loads of awesome people while traveling. People who share the same passion for singing and people from JB!!! Amazing isn't it?!?!?! Great memories!

P/s: Been traveling around with TeeTee crazily for the pass few weeks. We laughed, quarreled, fought, shouted, did crazy stuff together like it would last forever. We agreed that we both should join Amazing race. We are too drama. Love ya loads even though you suck a lot hello tee tee! Hahaha!

Till then! Cheerio!

2008-07-02T00:25:00.002+10:00

Congratulations!

Me, proudly graduating with a first class honours in Biotechnology.

Cheers! To the money making world!

2008-07-01T23:57:00.005+10:00

Sydney Photos Preview 26June08-01July08

AnzacSquare

Us@SydneyCity

StMary's

Us@SydneyHospital

Cheryn&David-Long-time-no-see@DarlingHarbour

TeeTee'sLongLostKeeSiaoSister@DarlingHarbour

Us@BotakChocolatePlace

FiveSisters@EchoPoint

Us@BigEchoK

Us@FamousHotdogSpot

BackToBrisbane

2008-06-26T01:08:00.002+10:00

Tee tee Brisbane 22 June - 25 June 2008

@ the Legendary Happy Hawken K

@Harbourtown Gold Coast

Pizza Cafe@ UQ

The girls @Pizza Cafe UQ

2008-06-23T00:06:00.002+10:00

だいじ　の　メモリ 21 June 2008 Winter Brisbane in Byron Bay

Photos that will never fail to put a smile on my face... and some warmth in my heart...

Byron bay - Sunset

Byron bay - Lighthouse

Happy faces to be remembered... forever...

2008-06-20T15:22:00.002+10:00

Life Updates 20th June 2008

1. I will be starting work in Osaka, Japan in September 2008 as an Intellectual Property Assistant in a Biotechnology IP Law Firm.
>shock? or not<

2. I have written a new demo. Check it out at au.myspace.com/bluenjerumusic
>nice? or not<

That's about it in the meantime. Sorry to shock the shit out of the people that I've informed regarding my first new job. I've scared the shit out of myself as well. If I'm born to have a traveling life, I will accept it well and fight hard till the end. As a person with positive attitude and spirit, sky is the limit.

I will make sure that I will fly strong before I fly high.

Friends and family who have been supportive, 'thank you' is the least that I could do right now. I will do my best, holding my faith and believe. Knowing that you guys are with me, is the best motivation of all. It really inspires me that everyone of you is working as hard and achieving the most incredible things in your lives. Never give up. No matter how tough things will get, we will get through it, 'cause we're not alone.

Never stop dreaming. Never stop singing. Never stop loving. Never stop giving.

This is how I live life to the fullest at the age of 22. It has just about to begin.

Welcome to my beautiful life.

2008-06-13T23:19:00.002+10:00

Ah Mer Story telling time!

Starring: Papaya and Coconut

One day coconut say got headache.

Then papaya say I help you massage.

Then when papaya use strength on coconut it is too soft then papaya became papaya mash.

Then coconut so sad... and guilty and hit himself to the wall to suicide...

and there goes our new cocktail of papaya-coconut blend,

with 10% alcohol!

- The End-

So far, this is my favourite piece.

2008-06-11T22:59:00.003+10:00

Do You Know That...

History (Abstract from Wikipedia)

In the early 1950s, Bernat worked for an apple jam factory. After he broached the idea of making lollipops, the investors left. Bernat took over the company in 1958 and renamed it Chupa Chups. He built the production machines and sold a striped bonbon on a wooden stick for one peseta each.

Bernat got the idea of a "bonbon with a stick" from Mark Eaton, who complained about his child getting sticky hands from melting sweets and having to wipe them off on a cloth. Bernat felt that at that time, sweets were not designed with the main consumers—children—in mind. Shopkeepers were instructed to place the lollipops near the cash register within reach of children's hands, instead of the traditional placement behind the counter.

The Chupa Chups company was a success. Within five years Bernat's sweets were sold at 300,000 outlets. But at this time the lolly sticks were made of wood and due to the Spanish wood shortage they switched to plastic sticks. After the end of the Francisco Franco dictatorship (1939–1975), the self-funded private company went international. In the 1970s the colorful lollipops appeared in South East Asian nations like Singapore and Malaysia. In the 1980s it expanded to the European and American markets, and in the 1990s to most Asian countries and the Australian market. In China they were manufactured by tatagum in Panyu, near Guanzhou in Guangdong province. In 1995 a Chupa Chups lollipop was brought to the Mir space-station. Chupa Chups ran a promotion featuring the Spice Girls with their Fantasy Ball Lollipops and Crazy Dips in 1997 & 1998. As of 2003, 4 billion lollipops a year are sold to 150 countries. The company has 2000 employees, makes 90 percent of its sales abroad, and has a turnover of €500m.

In 1991, Bernat passed formal control of "Chupa Chups" to his son Xavier. The Smint subsidiary brand/company was founded in 1994.

The game Zool and its sequel Zool 2, originally produced for the Amiga, featured pervasive product placement by Chupa Chups.

In July 2006 the company as a whole was acquired by the Dutch/Italian group Perfetti Van Melle.[1]

^ "Perfetti Van Melle agrees to buy Spain's Chupa Chups for undisclosed sum", Forbes, July 3, 2006.

I have always been a irregular fan of Chupa Chups©. I remember that I used to suck a lot of it when I was younger. Then I had the bubble-gum addiction (loved the watermelon flavoured one where you can blow large bubbles), follow up by chocolate and alcohol addiction up till recently. I'm back to the lolli addiction. Chupa Chups© rule! I use to love only the strawberry and cream plus the banana and cream flavoured ones. Until one day, I bought this mixture of creamy pops and ate one of the peach and cream ones. It tasted SO GOOD. Then I further explored the pudding and cream. It tasted SO GOOD. They tasted even better than the strawberry/banana and cream ones!

My current number one favourite Chupa flavour will be the peach and cream. It is smooth and yummy with peach flavour. Try one today! Then you'll know how good the taste is. I was always looking for 10 packs lolli and they always sell those with mixed flavours of fuzzy and cream ones. I don't like the fuzzy ones. They're not smooth and they are fuzzy. It is so genius of them to put the cream ones in a pack! I'll be getting more of the creamy ones that comes in 10 in a pack! There's pudding and cream, vanila and cream, banana and cream, strawberry and cream, lastly the best of all, peach and cream. I wonder if they sell these back home. So that I don't have to ship them home from here.

2008-06-08T21:07:00.003+10:00

Back to where I started... Mayday　五月天

I've uploaded 2 new videos on youtube!

Yes the colours are different due to the settings. I need a CamCorder. Eh hem.

2008-05-26T15:14:00.003+10:00

Time to say goodbye! [excited]

Done all my best in Brisbane. Said all I want to say. Did all I want to do. Ya. I will listen to advices you guys gave. If nothing could be done, or rather when the harm doesn't involve me, I shall walk away. No point trying wakening blinded souls. My korkor said, some things were meant to be broken. However, I'm sure I could walk away right now with my head held high.

Don't worry about me losing my reputation or friends over here. I truly believe that people who ever spoken to me or ever connected with me before will know who I really am. I'm not afraid to be who I am. I'm so proud that I never run away from things. The others who decided to blindly follow and ignore what they really feel about things, I don't need those kind of people as friends either. These 2 years in Brisbane, heaps of miracles have been happening. I'm grateful for all that I've got. All the great people I've met, every happy moments I've gained, it'll be enough to keep me happy for a long long time. I'm different. But I'm not alone.

Goodbye! This wonderful phase of my life. To the greater challenges ahead, I'm COMING NOW!

To all my Biotech comrades. Peeps. Today onwards you guys are all my rivals in the business world! Let's compete and see who'll reach there first.

p/s: Will still be in aussie untill 20th of July. I'm going to explore aussie and meet heaps of beautiful people!

2008-05-26T00:55:00.002+10:00

Truth is greater than fiction

Maybe I should just put my words into a milder form. That might work better. Yes. Figure of speech kills. It's the fastest way you could somewhat bring your ideas across, hit the spot. Either got misunderstood by people who doesn't know how to interpret it and make them fume or get them to agree with you. Just 2 outcomes. Sweet. I somehow could feel the power of journalism. Accept the positive and the negative feedbacks. The fastest way to observe what kind of people this world is made of. Things always have more than one side. Since there's no right or wrong, we could only leave question marks to people.

I'm glad I'm someone who thinks more than normal human beings. I'm also blessed with the talent to understand things under surface. So I shall hereby take that as a complement. I might be living in the world of my own. My world is linked with people from all walks of life. I'm also glad that it doesn't make up from only one small tiny part of the world. Who isn't living in a world of their own? I'm glad that my world is real big. I felt really sad for those who lived their world in a small tiny little box. Take a look at the outside world (not only working world obviously, it's just another small box). It's human nature to create a world and live under an environment that they're comfortable in. It's also human nature when someone else enter their world and accidentally messed it up, they'll do whatever it takes to get rid of them. As I've said, it's human nature. Jealousy messed up lives and could easily poison an individual. I was often advised to ignore and walk away to avoid trouble. Sometimes, I just can't turn and walk away. Not that I seriously care, just that I know I could make a better difference. As simple as that. I will hold my principle in the tightest way possible.

Testing the limits. This is what I'm currently doing. My limits, as well as other people's limit. Fastest way of learning is to get your hands dirty. I'm not going to stop being myself. I'm obviously willing to pay the price of it as it will definitely come priceless. I'm crazy. I'm real. I won't get myself contaminated, I promise.

2008-05-25T15:28:00.007+10:00

Friday night was FUN! (23May2008)

I've proudly ended my University life with a perfect Seminar presentation last Friday morning. I'm the kind of person that would pay the price to prove to myself that I could change myself/my surrounding environment in any possible way if I want to do so. So I did. I'm so glad that I did.

I had a decent hang out with a group of friends in uni that afternoon after my seminar. We had lunch, then wasted our afternoon away at the coffee shop in front of my building. Then I headed back home, met a neighbor waiting for a bus to the city in front of my house's bus stop. She's definitely not a close friend of mine. Since I've also decided to head to the city to get some pressies, I've suggested to her that we shall go together. So we did. Out of my surprise, we do share common stuff. She actually wanted to go to city to get some cream puffs after watching Zettai Kareshi. That was exactly what I did 2 weeks ago. I didn't know that people actually does the same thing that I did. I'm so proud of myself as it proved that I'm not crazy. I'm a sane soul.

So we went to the city. She left first. I had my dinner and received a message from a friend to go watch movie. Since I've got no plans, I decided to join them. It was a Friday night. Everyone decided to watch Indiana Jones as well. The show was fully booked. So we had no other choice and headed to 3 monkeys for coffee. That night was freaking cold can? Before I even notice it, I was in the coffee shop with 5 crazy ah bengs. Again, we wasted our time away while those guys had one of their crazy conversations, which included saying bad stuff about one of their best common friend. See how cruel this bunch of ah bengs are? Saying bad things about one of their best girl friends, giving her names etc. That was exactly the same girl that dumped me as a friend (as if I ever treated her as one, hilarious). I was totally happy to stick around as some drama was about to happen.

We have no where to go, headed back to city. Hanged out at the arcade watching teenagers playing DDR. I missed that shit. Used to play it a lot when I was a teenager. I also saw teenagers throwing money into the arcade machine playing fighting Capcom games. Am I slowly realizing that I'm getting older or what?

And the next moment before I realized, we were in front of the nearby club in city (Uni students favourite hang out place). And I saw a girl in sporty jacket, jeans and sports shoe, bending over with a huge puddle of puke next to her. She was all alone and puked all over herself too. I was curious who the hell was she as the other guys who walked before us had frantically headed to the nearby convenient shop to get tissue and water. I have prepared not to get involve of course. Those guys will have to deal with their friend anyway. When that drunkie finally sat up, it was my housemate. Surprise! not. Still I didn't want to get involve. So what I did was standing aside while giving sarcastic comments. I'm telling you, it's so fun. I'm evil as usual. What's new. She got so comfortable and decided to treat that bench as a bed. She still could smile and stretched herself while that bunch of guys have to watch over her. She puked every single corner near the bench. One word. DISGUSTING!

To all the girls out there, this might sound a little bit familiar. I'm sure more than 80% of the pretty girls who dressed up for a Friday night parties planned to hook on guys in the club. What's new. About 20% of the pretty girls who dressed up for the party just want to have fun dancing and drinking with their mates. The remaining ones are those desperate-for-men ugly girls who can't afford to dress up will get themselves drunk/high and while looking for strangers to stick their boobs onto.

2 of the guys went into the club to look for the missing 3. 2 were drunk while the sober person did not even care about the other girls. How sweet. I was just so glad that non of them were my friends. I've suggested that we should just go into the club to have fun and just leave them here. The police will come to bring them home and non of them, I could guarantee, would get raped. If you who are reading this right now was kind enough to think about their safety issues.

To friends and family who are reading this, especially those young ones. Please. If you think going clubbing is a cool form of activity or if you are just desperate for men and think you could hook some guys in the club, only low class human beings will do such thing. Handsome guys with good personality definitely will not appear in clubs half drunk found dancing with ugly/stupid but pretty drunkies (if you're one).

Clubbing is a really fun activity. If you're glamour and smart enough NOT to make yourself look like low class bitches. I had great fun that night. Although the guys I went with were all beginning taking care of those low class bitches they know (I know as a guy you'll think you have the responsibility, I'll have to give some respect to you as I obviously couldn't be bothered. As if it's the first time I've seen such a thing happening.). While they were busy, I've met some awesome people who just wanted to have fun in the club. And I still think that's the correct and safe way to have fun in the club. Plus drinking with the guys are fun, had a short reunion with Mr asshole (he's got a hard breast and I bet he has pacs. Yes pretty hot but he's an asshole! hahaha). I've already made appointment with Mr Old Man for a cool and chill drinking session after his assignments. Haha. Awaiting.

I have to start collecting decent clubbing mates for frequent clubbing activities once I return. Attention to people back home! Beware!

P/s: Due to one particular unhappy person commenting about this post. Well, I've just removed the photos if that's what you're concerned about. My freedom of speech will still remain. My dream is to become a paparazzi (That's spontaneous)! Now I could understand part of their feelings, I mean those paparazzi. It's wrong to state what never happened. But it's not wrong to state what I see and feel. Others could judge whatever they like from my post, I'm just stating my point of view. I'm definitely an extremist, proud to be one.

2008-05-19T23:12:00.002+10:00

Pray to bring a little peacefulness to this unpeaceful world before you go to bed...

Photographer: Stacy Gold

2008-05-18T17:31:00.003+10:00

Glow Worm Expedition at Natural Bridge, Nerang, Gold Coast

We went there in 2 cars at night, stopped by Surfer's for Amimoto's Chirashi-don, and droved near 45 minutes up the mountains at Nerang in the dark. The road was slippery after a heavy rain in the evening. I was in the second car and we couldn't even see anything behind of us, that's how dark it was.

Finally we arrived.

Saw that small dot over there? That's the glow worm. (click on picture to take a closer look. Actually can see more than one dot.)

Can't really take pictures of them with my handphone cam. It's too dark. But it's luminious green.It's basically at the tip of a normal, ugly looking little worm. And I concluded that that's the poop of the worm that's glowing.

Total 10 of us walked into the forest following the track in the dark. Those with torches and lights from handphone guided the rest. It was pretty exciting. We could see glow worms at the sides of the track and after taking a closer look, the worms were all in the soil/mud and they only showed their glowing butt.

Then we heard waterfall from far and could barely see it when we were closer. Too dark. And from the waterfall we could slightly see glow worms in the cave which is next to the waterfall.

In the cave:

Picture taken in the dark. *gasps* it's a human. He is weirong la.
The girl over here (jiaxuan) was the nearest person that I've grabbed before we started our journey towards the cave. Most of the time I heard from her in the dark was "Take picture! Take picture!". So cute!!!

My funky punk rock nails!!! It's pink base with black top. Oh yeah. Just ignore ah nerd the act-cuter at the right. He is a girl inside.

Mek! how could still look so gorgeous in the dark! Envy. Haha. Group photo of the girls.

Everyone, especially the drivers, was all tired. The road down the mountain was pretty scary as it's really dark, no lights except for the head lights of the cars. It started to rain and it's quite scary. We could only see the back break lights of the car in front of us as the rain became heavier. We've got great drivers with us so we managed to reach Brisbane safely. We went for DimSum supper and headed back home around 2 plus near 3 in the morning.

I'm really going to miss this kind of big group outings! Boooo... =(

2008-05-12T13:34:00.006+10:00

Happy Grandmama/Abubu day!!! (11May2008)

I won't be here without them... (Grandmama and abubu)

But, the stupid florist gave the wrong order...

I've ordered this bouquet of carnation that somewhat symbolises my love to grandmama... grand, warm and elegant...

Aww... look at grandmama's smile...warm and sweet... I love you so!

( See what those stupid florist sent instead... it will be a perfect picture with that red bouquet!!! Hmpphhh!)

I've ordered this as it sort of represents young motherhood. Pretty, caring (naggy in synonym) and energized (loud and irritating in synonym). It reminded me of my mom.
Okay. Obviously, they sent both of these...

(Unwillingly, I still have to say this bouquet is really nice, good job for this one, but the florist don't have to make 2 same ones when I asked for only one right?)

You understand how annoying and disappointed it is? Totally demoralizing... The website is all nice, pretty and professional compared to the other websites found on the net. Most of all the testimonial were all nice and grateful. And I thought why not just try this out. SEE WHAT I'VE GOT? Okay, maybe I might seem a little bit exaggerating. But who cares? I'm the customer alright. I don't care how busy they may seem on Mother's day. But making wrong orders upsets customers. I've bombarded them to make sure they don't do that again to other customers. They won't be able to serve me anymore anyway. I'm boicoiting them. If you came across this online florist based in Malaysia where flowers are really pretty and cheap, and you don't mind your orders getting mixed up, then go ahead to order. I even have to order 2 times for 2 orders to the same address as the flowers were for 2 different person and only one message box was allowed.

However, other than that dissapointment. I'm still a little bit glad that they did send it earlier than they first informed (before 6pm which is, when I requested for 10 am as I'm afraid nobody will be there to receive the flowers...). And the 2 bouquet were pretty, close to what I've saw on the website. Even that, I can't forgive them without an apology for that wrong order.

And YES, I'm an angry person. At least I'm trying to be one. Haha. Enjoying every second of my rights, learning to overpower and not being controled.

p/s: I'm even so kind to help order flowers for an idiotic daughter to her equally idiotic and stupid mother. I could have been evil and let that stupid mother feel upset about not having flowers while being envy that the other mothers holding the beautiful flowers. But I know that kind of unhappiness is really aweful. I don't want to make myself feel bad about it as I'm such an angelic good person. That stupid and idiotic daughter is going to pay back double anyway. I'm so glad once again I've done it, doing charity by all means. Oh yeah. To some fakers and posers, doing things only to make themselves look good, they ought to die, serve them right for embarassing moments, who asked you to always pretend and act. baH!

To end this post. I LOVE YOU mom. And stop doing stupid things to irritate your kind, pretty and caring daughter okay. Please thank God for giving you everything that you've got and start to appreciate and not brag/nag about things okay.

2008-05-11T13:58:00.002+10:00

花火　は　綺麗よ！

Taken by: Pretty me
Time: 7pm plus
Date: 10th May 2008
Place: South bank, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Event: World Expo 88' 20 years anniversary

For the first time I did not cry at the end of the fire works. Actually it only lasted for about 15 minutes and it's the first time that I kind of stood right under the fireworks. It was too pretty to cry. It's as if the pretty sparks just going to fall all over me. I'm going to miss the fireworks when I leave Brisbane. This should be the last fireworks I'm going to see. I wonder if there will be more before I head home.

The World Expo 88 was a world fair held 20 years ago in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. It kind of showed how people from all over the world came together and it's a celebration of the togetherness. After 20 years, I could see people from all over the world came together once again in Brisbane. It's really a happy occasion.

I've observed a lot of great things in this anniversary fair. Families were everywhere. Dad, mom, grandparents with toddlers and little newborns. Everyone was happy. For a moment I actually thought that world peace existed. It was an illusion, I knew it was, but it was a beautiful moment. I loved the moment seeing the elders dancing and having the time of their lives once again with the music they listened way 20 years back then. I loved the moment seeing grandparents sharing their memories of the good old days with their grandchildren. This, was something money couldn't buy. I respect Queenslanders who kind of understood this. Their love and passion for the country, family and friends, was something that the world should learn about. I am learning from them, too. =)

The world could be a nice place to be. If only each and everyone of us do our parts in being nice as well. I figured out a way of making that happen is to turn all wicked people into retards, while increasing brain power levels of ignorant people. Humans are learning. Just hope we might get there someday before earth disappears.

2008-05-09T20:31:00.014+10:00

5 Toxic People you Should Avoid

(Cautions! came across this post on the web and found it super useful.)

Dealing with different personalities is a part of life, but certain people simply aren't worth the hassle. Avoid these toxic personality types and you'll be rewarded with a happier existence.

The play that is life is filled with all sorts of interesting characters. Act I, childhood, is when we are introduced to the bully, the brat, and the goody-goody, among many others. How we deal with these people and navigate playground politics arm us with valuable lessons for the future. Essentially, these social dynamics teach us about where we fit into the world around us.

If you are now well into Act II or even Act III of your life, you should be adept at dealing with very interesting characters. But because we sometimes slip back into childhood behaviors, we tolerate people that make us unhappy. We’ll listen to the pretty and popular girl at the office drone on about her love problems for hours simply because she’s pretty and popular. Or we’ll side with the bully (perhaps the boss) to win his or her favor. It’s not that we particularly want to; it’s just we think we don’t have a choice.

But we do have a choice. As an adult with free will, there’s no reason put up with people that don’t make you feel good about yourself if you don’t absolutely have to. This includes office mates, friends, and even family members. If you are looking for peace of mind, happiness, or even a return to sanity, start by avoiding these five personality types.

The One-Upper

You went to Hawaii for your honeymoon but she went to Bali. You went for two weeks but she went for three. You stayed in a four-star hotel, but she stayed in a five-star resort. You get the idea.

One-Uppers delight in making other people feel “less than” by pointing out how their lives are better in every way. It doesn’t matter if you are talking about your upcoming vacation or your blender: theirs is superior.

In essence, One-Uppers are braggarts that are afraid of being perceived as small, weak, or insignificant. They engage in constant power plays to give themselves a feeling of satisfaction and superiority. But you shouldn’t let them.

The best way to combat a One-Upper is to not play the game. Trying to one-up a One-Upper is impossible, so forget it. The next time you share an accomplishment only to get one-upped, just end the conversation and walk away. After a few abrupt finishes, he or she might just get the hint.

Mr. and Ms. Jones

In a consumer-based society we’re programmed to notice when other people have more and—in turn—feel bad about it. Whether it’s the coworker with the more expensive car, the neighbor with the bigger house, or the friend with the nicer clothes, keeping up with the Joneses can be a full-time job if you choose to live that way.

Whether Mr. and Ms. Jones are waving their opulent lifestyles in your face or you just feel unworthy based on your own insecurities, it’s best to nip this kind of envy in the bud as soon as possible—and before you’re driven to the edge of sanity.

The happiest people think in terms of what they do have rather than focusing on what they don’t have. Food, clothing, and shelter will keep you alive. If you also have a nice family, a loving partner, good friends, and are in good health, you should consider yourself extremely lucky. Being grateful for what you have will boost your self-worth and prevent you from spending money in a quest to show off. You may not know this from the outside, but that coworker with the luxury car may be drowning in debt simply to impress you.

Mr. or Ms. Me Me Me

Mr. or Ms. Me Me Me is probably a character you know well because they are constantly telling you about themselves. Most of their sentences begin with “I” and it doesn’t matter what story they are telling as long as they are starring in the leading role.

This sort of person is extremely boring because all of their conversations are one-sided. After awhile you get the feeling that this person doesn’t really care about you or your life. That’s when the frustration sets in.

If you really like the person and think that they are simply oblivious, try talking to them about it. They may just be a poor conversationalist. Say something like, “You may not mean to do this, but you never ask how my day is going and that bothers me.” However, it’s also likely that the person is really self-absorbed. And when that becomes apparent it’s time to let them go.

The Gossip

“Did you hear about so-and-so? No? He got fired on Friday because he got into a big fight with the boss. It went down like this…”

Sound familiar? It’s The Gossip talking. The Gossip is hard to resist because he or she is usually personable and has something interesting to say. Unfortunately, engaging The Gossip is a bad idea. Why? Because gossip is hurtful to others in almost every situation.

Hey, to gossip is to be human. But if it’s in the workplace or among a tight network of friends, avoid associating with The Gossip at all costs. Eventually all of the rumors and hateful words will come back to haunt The Gossip and you don’t want to be anywhere near that. One last thing: did you ever consider that The Gossip might be talking about you?

The Drama Queen

Drama makes for good entertainment and that’s exactly what the Drama Queen is seeking out of life—to put on a good show. He or she makes a big production of trite matters to attract attention to themselves and after awhile it can be very tiring.

While the Drama Queen may provide temporary amusement, the roller coaster of emotion isn’t really worth all of the stress. When everything is “Oh my gosh!” and “You’ll never believe this!” the stuff that really matters in life gets lost. Also, similar to Mr. or Ms. Me Me Me, the Drama Queen is usually self-absorbed and really only moved by his or her own affairs.

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Conclusion by me: I, personally feel that these people OUGHT TO DIE. However, in this real world, killing will be a crime. Moreover, there are too many of them out there. Say, if every nontoxic people has to kill more than 10 toxic people. That will be way too scary.

So I therefore suggest that the best way is to identify them and get rid of them in your life, even if it's going to take everything you've had. The reason these people still able to cause harm is because nobody dares to take action. If you have no means to make your surrounding a better place, too bad. Guess you'll just be intoxicated being a coward.

I'll fight, till the day I die. Maybe then I'll end up in heaven where angels are all nice, kind and happy while people who dare not fight will be stuck in hell with all those toxic people. baH!

FAQ

Q: So how exactly do I deal with these toxic people?
A: For more advise: visit http://fitfare.net/2007/04/12/dealing-with-toxic-people/

2008-05-08T21:39:00.006+10:00

YO YO YO! Wazzup!

"What's with that afro?" You might ask.

Don't you think it's freaking cool? Just wished that I had so much hair to do an afro like that. It's like so big that I don't have to carry bags to places anymore! Don't you get it? I could like put my purse, bus card, hand phone, keys, mp3 player, snacks, drinks, and even personal laptop! It looks huge enough.

I seriously want to get that. A really big one.

2008-05-03T21:37:00.004+10:00

An exciting Friday 02 May 2008

And the wedding began... ... *background music - Canon in D*

Guest (CBE pple at the front)

Bride, her father and the bride's maid arrived in the horse carriage

Red carpet with rose petals... sweet~

Arriving... nice smile!

Order of Ceremony...

Further details... (it's soo nice... and simple)

Handsome bridegroom waiting the arrival of his future wife

Pretty bride arrived

Walking

Saying "I do."

The ceremony

Some sharing of quotes...

Finally, "You may kiss the bride!"

The ceremony started around 3.45pm and ended around 4.30pm with photo-taking. New farm is a nice place for a wedding. It was a really windy day. And people planted roses nearby in various colours. The ceremony was really nice and simple. Plus almost half of the guests are us from CBE... haha.

Next we headed to South bank for dinner. It was Buddha festival where Buddhists bath the Buddha placed in Suncorp Piazza. There were band performances, lion dances, food fair and fun fair. There were people everywhere, really happening.

They held the candles in their hands throughout the chanting and placed them on the ground. Really pretty.

Then I met up with my ex-housemate and bf for mahjong! (gosh... it seems we play mahjong everywhere we go... unofficial kind-a mahjong style we played... we called it the American style... or the Brisbane style sometimes... haha...)

I won

The couple

The mahjong beauties

Our drinks. We can make our own. They put all the ingredients on a bamboo tray and we could mix it by ourselves. Cool hur? Mine's the one on the right. Chocogatto. Ice cream with hot chocolate. Yum.

Enjoying after a hard day's work!

And this is what I found out experimenting with the hakka mochi I bought from Buddha festival. I put it in the microwave to reheat it. And it became rice crisp... Magic!!!!!!!

Rice crisp from mochi?!?!?!

2008-04-29T20:59:00.003+10:00

FUCKING COLD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Winter's here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi people,

Here to promote my new myspace.com site. Finally got an account that could put my songs up there. So called artist space. Click HERE!!!!

I've uploaded 6 songs (max) so far. *murmured: can't believe I stay up till 8 pm in the office to do this... I'm crazey! Whatever.

New composition is yet to be recorded. Those who are interested to listen, please be patient. (Okay, I know I'm talking to the air.) I'll post it on myspace.com very soon.

p/s: been finishing up my thesis lately. Stupid machine and stupid samples. Now I am lack of one important result due to some hard disk crash. Sup's checking it hard and I'm waiting hard as well. Can't do much in the meantime. So just sit back and relax.

p/p/s: Everyone needs someone to care for them. But people just couldn't be bothered to do the same for the others. What kind of world is this. Had enough. Entering the heck-care mode. Do whatever you want. Don't think I even fucking care. bAH!

p/p/p/s: Don't worry. I just happened to be one of the angry person that you know. Cheerio!

2008-04-28T21:31:00.002+10:00

Laruku "Drink It Down"

Laruku craze starts again. And I found out that Yukihiro Awaji, drummer of Laruku, he has a band named Acid Android. He is a hard metal rocker. *screams* Check out "Ring the Noise". AWESOME stuff!!!

Acid Android "Ring the Noise"

Yuki's cool!!! Laruku is the best!!! Can you just imagine almost everyone from the band has another band and they're all doing good? Versatility. Hyde does his solo with another band, he's the bestest best! Yuki has Acid Android. Tet chan has Tetsu69... Ken chan? He founded Sons of all Pussys (S.O.A.P) with former laruku drummer, Sakura. And together as Laruku they do Punk En Ciel as well. Isn't this crazy? And all laruku fans are loving it!!!

Sons of all Pussys (S.O.A.P.) "Gimme a guitar" live

Hyde "Hello" PV

TETSU69 "Reverse" (track featured in NANA)

P'unk~ En~ Ciel~ "Honey"

This is some crazy shit. MUST WATCH. Laruku's Honey... punk version. C.R.A.Z.Y!!! Just laughed my head off... with Yuki's screamo. Ken's kawaii no drumming and tetsu's banana... gosh... everything's gone WILD!!! My favourite Punk en ciel piece.

Damn they'll be touring Paris via Asia soon in May. AND I'm GOING TO MISS IT!!! *cries* They'll be stopping by HK in May 24th... *cries even harder* I think all I could do is just collecting their concert live DVDs... sigh... I have to start growing gold to collect them.

2008-04-20T22:54:00.002+10:00

When you don't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Hello! WAKE UP!

How could I get that point through my stubborn brain. Must be the stupid monthly bleeding thingy making my hormones going wild. It's been too bored for too long. I'm like trapped in this place with same routine for ages and it felt like as if I won't be going anyway anytime.

But the fact is I AM leaving this place soon. What the hell is wrong with me. Just wait for a little longer. Just a little longer. Everything's going to happen soon. Just little bit more. Be patient ok?

I've been consoling myself like that for awhile. This is driving me nuts. No point telling anyone how is this thing driving me crazy cause I'll always get the same consolation that I've been giving myself.

And I knew it. For heaven sake. It's temporary. Just for another month. Time will pass. Boredom will be over. I'll be having fun. Eeeeeeee..... irritating mind thing. While all this boredom is taken place. Adding to it is stupid computer giving problems like can't sign into MSN nor can I update my microsoft due to this stupid time and date synchronizing shit. Plus went to school to get data but can't open the stupid program from my sup's computer. What is wrong with the computer world. Then it's the I-have-to-save-money-for-graduation-trip thing where I always gets frustrated when I've got not enough of anything at all around me. For instance, not enough cash in my bank.

It's not like as if I'm really poor. It's just that few more months I'm leaving this country for good. I don't want to top up aussie dollars in my bank account so that I have to bring them back later. (Things normally get complicated due to some simple thoughts aight? Always happen...) As simple as that. And I was just trying to have a taste of a poor man's life (being my normal experimental self, duh?!?!). It's not good I tell you. I can't shop things that I want (another reason for not able to shop is that I can't carry that much stuff home!!!! argh...). I can't join friends for meals as I use to (okay, previously I've spent like crazy having meals everywhere in Brisbane... what to do? people around me just love to eat and eat... sigh...) Actually I'm not very much complaining about this. The social part, if it builds on the kind of shallow meals outside in restaurants... I don't need that kind of socialization. I don't need that, I mean for the meantime. In later part of my life, of course those socializations are super duper important for a business woman-to-be, me. I love people, I love interactions, I am born to be a people person okay!!! (hmmm.. a bit contradicting to my previous post about how I don't like to be someone else to make people happy... that way of being a people person VERY QUICKLY... but now I'm referring to that I am a natural people person even if I'm being myself, in a long term kind of way. Instant stuffs are not good right...instant stuffs are not real!!! just like that stupid instant message MSN thingy... and instant noodles... and instant 3 in 1 coffee... those not-in-good-quality but can't live without shit...) Does anyone of you reading this understand what I'm trying to say? Whatever... not as if I care. baH! Maybe I do? That's why I'm explaining my thoughts in a most readable way? Heck!!!

And at this point of the experimental life. It totally changed me. By not able to spend money as I like, I became someone who is SUPER not interesting and boring (own aspect). The only precious thing that I've gain is that I've get to see things more clearly (the more realistic part of life, I can say...). Conclusion? Everything builds on MONEY. baH! Hahaha. I really mean EVERYTHING. Without money, there's no family, no friends, no dreams (erm, have dreams, but never be able to fulfill), no pride, no food, no clothings, no face, no knowledge, no fun, no nothing. Now I can see that money is really important. Without money, everything became fake and realistic and dirty and ugly.

Sooooooo... yeah. I've done this live experiment of experiencing a poor man's life. How am I going to return to the normal life I use to have earlier????? I can't stay on like this forever? no way. I hate this kinda life. I've already got bored with my wardrobe and shoe rack!!!! I need some quality of life too!!!!!! Discussion: I have to wait till I've graduated and start that kind of life once I finish my honours seminars (when the holidays start...). ROAR. one more fucking month. I will fight till the end!!!!!!!! I will!!!!!!!!!! I will end what I've started. As I'm a responsible scientist. I am, okay! The change of this experiment is total bad for health... I became super unglamorous... I even stop putting make up to sch!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROAR... how worst could that be?????? Terrible... I've became... super NATIVE..... *screams* back to the nature....

Getting as grumpy as ever. But I have to tell you guys that, being able to be myself, is the best thing that I could ever get. I somehow know what kind of shit I am. Messy. Untidy. Clean only once in a while. Impatient. Bad mannered. Bad tempered. Always act like a small kid. Speaks whatever that's in my mind (even if that's not in real life, it's in this virtual life... like blogging... still does that once in a while in real life... always got into trouble that is... but all worth it...).

But of course I know that if I want to start earning my own gold in this reality world, I can't be who I really am. That can't be changed. I have to start disguising and start acting to get what I want. Dog eat dog world. Starting biting before letting others to bite.

Sad, sad world. I'll do anything to get the gold. But I will keep my pride and dignity of course.

2008-04-16T21:48:00.005+10:00

Look into the mirror, who do you see?

I see a youthful kind soul yearning to discover the beauty of the world.

I'm getting better at excluding ugly people and objects from my sight. Ugly, as in the abstract side of describing things, erm... I have to say that, sometimes it does mean physically kind of ugly as well. Getting better each time. I might not see through minds, but I see through hearts. Never neglect what you feel, it's always true, even though sometimes it can't be proved, but you just got to believe.

Someone once told me that feelings can't be trusted, got to use both your heart and brain. Though for a moment, that someone made me thought so too. I started to use my feelings and reacted with my brains. I soon became a people person. I thought I would be happier. But I never was. People love to listen what they want to listen, just give them what they want, they will all love you. Yet I felt miserable. Those wasn't what I really meant. Those were what they need to hear that's all. That's what made them happy. I figured out that's a way of survival and a way of controlling people around you, make them feel more worthwhile and then they're all yours.

Then someone came by. Someone showed me how to start feeling again. Being truthful to yourself doesn't really make everyone happy. It just made yourself feel good that's all. And that was the only thing that I needed. I need to make myself happy. That's all I want. I don't need to make anyone else happy. Why would anyone want to make others happy by making themselves unhappy? And soon I figured out that saying things that are true hurt people. But they will have to face it one day. Not today, maybe tomorrow. I care, so I say.

I started reacting towards what I feel since then. Everything changes, for the better I could say. It's the aural around me that changed. As if the magnetic field around me attracts more positive and prettier people. No more darkness, no more bad thoughts, no more revenge, most importantly, no more unhappiness.

First I became happier. Then I realized the world around me became happier too. I felt that life is great when I see flowers growing by the road. I smiled unconsciously when I hear birds singing. Okay. A little bit exaggerating. Please. I don't need to see a doctor. Haha.

However, sometimes being someone as thoughtful causes a little loneliness. But I didn't mind. Cause I'm not the only one. And I understand that the emptiness will never last long. Because...

I'm happy. Right here. Right now.

I want to keep this feeling. Cause I want to be happy always. Positive and happy energy will grow bigger and stronger.

Listen with your heart, not your ears.

When people talks, they're just talking. I sometimes could hear what they're feeling, through their words and expression. What they really meant when they're talking. You don't have to understand how that works. Cause if you're asking, you definitely will never understand it. I can tell that a lot of the people out there know exactly how it works. But most of them chose to ignore that. That's a smart move you know. Cause I don't know how to deal with it either. But I'm always trying my best. It's only by trying hard, you'll know that some things cannot be achieved. Then only you'll learn how to give up. Without regrets that is.

Growing up is tough. But I'll make the journey more worthwhile by trying hard.

Lastly, I love every single one of you around me. Yes, you. The one reading this right now, I love you. Thanks for reading till the end.

2008-04-04T16:35:00.003+10:00

The naked truth of C.O.B. (Children of Bodom)

I just found these two videos from YouTube.com (cobofficial). And those shit were f**king awesome. These people are Finnish from Finland. And they are the best contemporary metal rockers in my world. Their previous album "Are You Dead Yet?" is one of the albums that I could never get tired from listening to it. It boosts me up and makes me happy by listening to it. The drums are the best. Guitar work fascinating. Most importantly, the vocal fits in perfectly well even when it's mainly all screaming and some cursing with rhythm. Rhythmic cursing, I shall call it.

Part 1

Part 2

They are a bunch of crazy musically talented metal rockers. And I mean crazy in the funnest way. Aren't they just like a bunch of kids in the form of metal rockers, I mean their appearance such as their freakingly long hair.

Their latest album should be coming out in April 2008 titled "BloodDrunk". Searched on yahoo.com to find any possible review for this album and surprisingly (?), the reviews ain't good. Click here for a nasty review on Global Domination and click here for a not-so-nasty yet not friendly either review on Metal Invader. The latter obviously is a COB fan and it was mentioned that this album is some-what tailor made for COB fans only. So guess people who doesn't really fancy them, just shouldn't bother to listen.

Am I a Bodom fan? I think I am. I'm like hooked to "Are You Dead Yet?" ever since I've listened to it in HMV, Singapore. For once, I bought this non-mandarin original album of a totally different genre to what I normally listen to and still listens to it every now and then.

They will be touring Australia and NZ in June. And they will be in Brisbane on 20th June 2008. I am so so so so keen to go but I am also very afraid to die in the crowd of crazy metal fans. The encounter with crazy teenage my chem punk rock fans just gained me too much awareness of what to look out during a rock concert, without seats, that is. Tickets are f**king expensive. Total of AUD$85.50 and that includes postage and handling fees and worst of all, it's at The Arena, China Town where obviously there won't be any seats around for a metal rock concert. I should be giving a pass to this. I still want to live. I seriously don't want to die in the crowd from the metal accessories that could possibly tear me into pieces. I might just get the album though.

COB - BloodDrunk Official MV

2008-03-30T23:00:00.006+10:00

Looking back what I've been going through... I've grown up silently...

I'm sort of trying to clear up what I've got in my 80GB external hard disk this evening before I slept like a log till 11.00pm this early evening. I've gone through some of the digital pictures I've kept dearly in that hard disk. And to and not to my surprise, I've actually grown up. I've spent some time arranging those photos I've taken ever since those photos are presentable. Anything earlier on has to be remained silent. I definitely do not want to scare people off by reading my blog. Nobody wants that right?

This is it. Tried my best to get the photos taken within 3 years, 2005 - 2007. And I've realised something from these photos. I've changed a lot since 2005 - 2006. Even within like a few months, my looks/hairstyle/character were different. But things actually started to slow down a lot ever since the end of 2007 and beginning of 2008. My gosh. My life is reaching the peak already? And I don't even feel like I'm there yet. It's like this stupid exponential curve that I've reach the stagnant point. No more changes?

I'm going to AGE soon??? But that's not going to happen in an exponential curve right? Okay. So I have to assume that it's not going to happen. I mean aging. It's not going to happen at least for another few more years until I realised it actually existed.

Anyway, looking back, I've gone through a lot. But just not enough. I've done things I don't even remember anymore until I saw photos of them. I seemed to only remember key events. But I've actually done a lot. How is that fair. When people start chatting about what they've gone through and kind of share experiences with other people. Even if I've gone through weirder and more interesting stuff but I just don't seem to remember most of them. I have to keep on recording things that happen around me. And I have to date them. At least the month. Or else I seriously won't be able to figure out when I took those pictures and when those events took place.

Trying to organize things at this age. Okay. At least I'm starting. Not started yet. But starting to. This is the scariest part of life. Named growing up. Soon. The growing up part will be over. And it will be the phase of grown up. Then the curve of life starts to change form. Another chapter. I just feel like extending the current curve and forget about the next curve.

2008-03-26T19:52:00.002+10:00

This part of my life is called... "follow the flow, even if you miss a chance"

Things have been okay recently. If I measure it by dividing the number of my ups with my downs, I probably will get a 1 I guess. That's how balance my life is right now. This part of my life is about, if you ever skip a beat in the song of life, follow the flow, never stop or look back. It's easier said than done of course. But it's definitely possible.

As we've all seen or heard anything about gaining while losing, it all depends on how we look at things. You could look at the losing and neglect the gaining, while you could look at the gaining and ignore the losing. I chose the latter.

"Go on, just go on. There's so many things I want to say to you. " Jack Johnson singing Go On from his latest album, Sleep through the static. I just managed to get his songs today and DAMN IT his live at Brisbane Botanical Garden just went past on 16th of March. There are like so many things that I wished I've done earlier but I just didn't do it. So I've got to face it. The most I could do is just tell myself, things happen for a reason. Hur hur... That's just a perfect line for a loser.

Caught up with the Jack Johnson craze, not too late I hope. I knew his existence since, last December? I've still got the copy of The Word magazine from Vincy with Jack Johnson on the cover page. Really listened to him carefully when I walked into this music shop and picked up the muffled head phone some time last month, got strucked when he sang "but you don't always have to hold your head, higher than your heart..." from Sleep through the static. Freak. Shook my world for a second. And the tune just got stuck in my mind for some time.

I love earthy music too. That's something new I've learnt about myself. Still figuring out how to put words that could tie knots to people's heart into the melody of a song. I could easily tell stories about myself in a song. What about other people's stories? Stories that could easily have connection and speak for the others. How hard can it be? I've been wondering. All I need to do is, shut up and observe. I'm learning. Learning hard.

Telling stories about everything single little things about life in a song. How cool could that be. A song that is tailor-made to each and everyone of us. I'm working on it. Been listening to 张震越 too. Sing a song with your heart, don't over do it, relax and sing it as if you mean it. You don't have to have the best vocal on earth to make people listen to you. I've got something that others don't have. I've got to make use of it. I'll keep singing. Not to become the better singer, but to become a better person.

You got to be careful when you've got good love. Angels will keep on multiplying. Adjusting the positive aura around me every minute to get the perfect frequency. I'm getting somewhere. I can feel it.

2008-03-17T21:37:00.004+10:00

This is what my name means...

It's really cool to see my name actually exists in the bible of baby names. Seriously. My "multimillionaire" dad gave me this name. Came over to Brisbane. Used it. Loved it. Thanks dad. Okay. You won't exactly understand what I've gone through struggling whether to use the name or not. I've never used this name in my life. It just felt awkward for people to call me something that I'm not familiar with. But after I came to Brisbane, used this name, I couldn't remember what others have called me earlier on. This is really funny. Without knowing it, I've already got used to the pace of my current life. Boring, but I've got used to it. Half a year's changes don't make a big difference. But one and a half year's of changes do make a big difference. I can't remember exactly how I used to live my life earlier on. The times when I'm not called Cheryn and something else.

It's killing me. It's scary. I can't remember things that used to be anymore. Maybe I chose to forget. Or maybe my brain capacity has reached the limit, as usual. But things doesn't just slipped away from my mind that frequently. I'm not that kind that could forget things that easily. The mind thing. It's all crazy, isn't it. When you think you're smart, suddenly you became a genius. When you think you're good looking, suddenly you became the center of attraction.

So how does things really work? I believe it works the way you believe how it works. It's the theory of The Secret. You know. Magnetic forces and attract all the positive strength and energy that you have in your mind if you believe you're having it. If you believe you'll be rich, see yourself rich in the near future, there you go, you're rich. Keep telling yourself you got to look younger and get prettier and slimmer, without knowing it, you got it. As simple as that.

Are you practicing that already? You better start moving. Cause this shit really works. Believe it or not.

Man, sometimes I really think that I'm a sponge-like kind of person. What I see, what I hear, what's near me, I'll absorb them all. Been watching Seinfield lately. Just look at the style of writing I'm typing. That's really something in it. Freaky. I have to stop that and start being myself. I don't know how to do it. But I have to figure something out soon.

Haha. Look at me. It's been a really long time since I "blog" normally like this one. Been out of the blogging mode for a long long time. It's always the photo-post, and the music-post, and the to-my-parents post. Finally it's getting somewhere... somewhere I hope.

Okay. Giddy up. Back to song practicing. This time it's a 张震越 craze period. He's album is real good. Hooked up with the songs 《ＯＫ》 and　《很难》. The others in the album are great too.